Rumours of a new AS1967 product launch gathered pace when patent documents, seemingly referring to an updated version, were leaked onto the web. The blueprints, which appeared on Clickbait Technology News (CTN) show several unexpected features, including a new turbo encapulator, a smaller front deflector array, an enhanced sub-Tachyon pulse dispersal pattern and a reversal in the polarity of the neutron flow.
Connor Tist, expert at CTN said these improvements would help drive traffic to his website. "While there's likely to be no real benefit, or tangible improvements over the existing iteration of the product, the carefully conditioned insecurity of current users mean that even the negligible differences it has, will be enough to drive upgrade sales of this item. Sales which will stoked by spurious claims and misleading headlines we'll conjure from thin air, simply to be uncritically regurgitated by automated news aggregator sites…..And you won't believe what happened next…"