Thursday, August 24, 2017

Angry Since 1967 testing new post at the Nürburgring

We can exclusively reveal "Angry Since 1967" has been testing on the Nürburgring. The heavily camouflaged post did repeated laps of the circuit over a period of  several days. Insiders claim this is an effort by "Angry Since 1967" to regain its position as the fastest blog at the track. "It hit a raw nerve" claimed the source "when a post from a blog about caravanning broke the record." 

The source wouldn't be drawn on the tweaks "Angry Since 1967" has made in order to achieve this goal. Indeed, despite the careful disguise, it appears the post has been completely stripped down to maximise performance, supporting rumours that the post consists of a since 6 letter word aren't far off the mark. 

Our Performance Editor writes; 

The new "Angry Since 1967" post looks set to smash the Nürburgring lap record for blog posts hosted on the Blogger platform.

We've read the new post and it's expected to shave a significant 5.41 sec from the previous record holder, "Caravanning Around Ireland", making Angry Since 1967 significantly faster around the ‘Ring than its competitors.

The new lap record holder has described by AS 1967 as being a development edit with technical specifications representative of the final post. 

The latest six-letter word post also has a shorter word count for more urgent performance, and it weighs 6 grammes less than its predecessor when printed on an A4 sheet. No capital letters have been revealed yet, but the post will almost certainly undercut the number used in AS 1967 previous shortest post. It also has a new multi-link reading suspension for improved coherence and has a design that is claimed to offer a best-in-class performance balance for legibility.

AS 1967 set a provisional new ‘Ring record during the final phase of testing for the post, on a dry track with “optimum ambient temperature for the best type and printing performance”. The only additional modification was a 'floating' safety roll cage that AS 1967 said offered no improvements to readability. To compensate for the cage’s weight, the font was changed to courier new.

The editor for the new post, Angry Since 1967, said: “The kerning speed achieved in the new post is higher because the post features wider tracking and typeface, a longer word base, new rear multi-link synonyms and optimised adjectives improving legibility.“

As 1967 explained that this allows readers to attack apostrophe's with more pace. “Readers will typically read the comma after Metzgesfeld at around 93mph," he said "around 6mph higher than that Caravanning post can manage. So up their holes with a big jam roll!!"

Monday, July 24, 2017

ANGRY SINCE 1967 AND THE AFTERNOON POSSE

It would be entirely possible, with the simple replacement of the news, to play an old early 90s episode of "Steve Wright In The Afternoon" complete with the traffic and travel on Radio 2 tomorrow and no-one would notice any difference. There's being in rut and there's repetition. Steve Wright does both. 

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

OMG!! LOLz!!

Interviewee OWNS reporter. Look, there's even a red arrow pointing at a red circle so IT MUST BE TRUE. And you won't believe what happens next!!!


Thursday, April 06, 2017

Cardboard Standee of Charles Bronson on Video Cassette Day: 'VHS just looks better"

A free-standing life-size image of Charles Bronson says video tapes provide a better viewing experience than DVDs or streaming video.

"It does look better," said the promotional cutout. "I know people say it doesn't, but it does.
"I've been around long enough to know. I've been in so many studios, I've made so many videos. It just looks better."

Bronson's comments came as he was named a "Video Cassette Day Legend", honouring his support of video libraries.

There has long been a debate over the merits of tape over digital formats.

Apostles argue that a video tape's analogue signal produces a more authentic, honest picture, while digital formats like DVD and downloads compromise quality for the sake of portability and convenience.

Video engineers argue that digital files are inherently more accurate - and that some of the "warmth" of video tape is, in fact, blurriness introduced by the fact it can barely resolve 240 lines, half that of DVD. In reality, both have their pros and cons, (okay they don't. Videotape is demonstrably and quantitatively worse) but the lie perception that videotape is superior has been a key reason behind the format's resurgence.

Sales in the UK topped three or so last year, the highest total in 25 years according to the VPL which represents the video industry.

The late Charles Bronson will be releasing a new version of his legendary film Death Wish 3 to commemorate the 3rd annual Video Cassette Day on 22 April. This exclusive edition adds a couple of trailers and a new anti-piracy warning to the original release.

The star was well known for his love of video libraries - having rented his first videos ("Jaws III") in the early 1980s. He said was "honoured" to be named a Video Cassette Day Legend, and wholeheartedly supported the initiative - which aims to tempt videotape buyers back into their local, independent video libraries.

Special video releases are made exclusively for the day and many shops and cities host special screenings and events to mark the occasion.

AS1967  is an official partner of the event; and will premier a selection of the exclusive new videos in the week leading up to the event, culminating in a live broadcast from the boarded up remains of an Xtravision on Friday, 21 April, hosted by Clapperboard's Chris Kelly. "Film 82" host Barry Norman will celebrate the initiative with a live show from the ruins of a Blockbuster on the day itself.

Wednesday, December 07, 2016

"Angry Since 1967s" Perpetual List Of Bands To Hear ad infinitum

Fifteen invented Bands and Singers have been named in "Angry Since 1967s" Perpetual List Of Bands To Hear Next Year.

The up-and-coming artists on this year's long list range from "A Bit 80s Sounding","We Sound Exactly The Same As An Old Band We Think No-One Remembers" to Pop artists "Depressingly Predictable" and "If This Doesn't Work I'll Be A Comedian Next. Or An Actor". Dance band "Clichéd, Aul Crap, Branded As A New Dance Sub-Genre" are also included.

"Bleeding-Edge, Ultra Kewl, Game Changing Producer Whose Name We Can't Say Without Climaxing - Forgotten Next Week", "Angst-y Singer Song Writer With Breathy Vocals (Female)" and "Angst-y Singer Song Writer (Male)" also feature. 

"Exotic Foreigner" and "Not Very Good, But Jesus! What A Tragic Back Story" have been backed for success after both were straddled with an off-the-peg tragic back story, which really isn't that tragic. Unless hating cabbage counts. Honestly? I was so touched by the cynicism I nearly, well almost, thought about considering crying my lamps out. "A Blatant Clone Of A Currently Successful Artist" and "We'll Be Successful This Time. Promise" have also selected for success. Amongst the others are the runts of the litter "Box Ticked", "Something Faintly World Music-y" and "Token Nod To Metal" who get listed simply to make the numbers up. Their inclusion isn't even a vague acknowledgement that 97% of the interesting music being currently produced, doesn't exist in the thin slither of music deemed fit by the wankers who compile these lists. Although Rap artist "Oxbridge Urban Music Bloke Endorsed By Headphone Manufacturer" absence from the list triggered controversy, generating a single indignant tweet by his mum.

The tastemakers, critics and other assorted experts behind this selection include AS 1967, who is a producer*, TV presenter**, newspaper critic***, magazine editor**** and a respected blogger*****. He claimed being asked to make up some completely fictional bands showed he was "...fucking cool. Which is the entire point of this self-perpetuating horse shit. I mean it isn't about the music, it's about me and the rest of this motley band, proving we still have our collective fingers on the pulse. That we're down with the kids. I mean, even if these bands did exist, what they sound like isn't as important as the image I, and the rest of the vacuous fuckers specifically selected in the expectation we'd make these anodyne, dreary picks, hope to portray"

When the top five is announced, as none of the bands exist, they won't be featured on the Angry Since website, nor will there be any broadcast sessions or interviews with any of the winners. There is also unlikely to be a midyear review when these pretend artists have their progress assessed. Or rather they will, as these bands actually are, to all intents and purposes, real. The narrow, predictable, pedestrian range of unchallenging mediocre music from which the so-called "experts" make their selections seldom varies, rendering the outcome both inevitable and worthless. There's little to be confronted by. Nothing remotely different. Little beyond a safe facsimile of what has gone before. An unending parade of mediocrity lauded with feigned quasi-critical, and as yet entirely unearned, acclaim. 

Next year this will be rebranded the "Whoop-De-Fucking-Do" list, in an attempt to more accurately reflect the levels of anticipation, excitement and relevance the announcement generates. 

The Complete List

"A Bit 80s Sounding"
"We Sound Exactly The Same As An Old Band We Think No-One Remembers"  
"Depressingly Predictable"
"If This Doesn't Work I'll Be A Comedian Next. Or An Actor" 
"Clichéd, Aul Crap, Cached As A New Dance Sub-Genre"
"Bleeding-Edge, Ultra Kewl, Game Changing Producer Whose Name We Can't Say Without Climaxing - Forgotten Next Week" 
"Angst-y Singer Song Writer (Female)" 
"Angst-y Singer Song Writer (Male)" 
"Exotic Foreigner" 
"Not Very Good, But Jesus! What A Tragic Back Story"  
"A Blatant Clone Of A Currently Successful Artist"
"We'll Be Successful This Time. Promise" 
"Box Ticked"
"Something Faintly World Music-y" 
"Token Nod To Metal" 

The final result is expected in January, and then repeated verbatim every year until the end of time.

*I stood behind a camera in 1990 directing traffic while an acquaintance videoed a concert.
**Appeared on Romper Room in the early 1970s.
***Slagged off TV programmes in a student newspaper many years ago.
****Cut photos out of football magazines in the 1970s
*****If you've read any of this blog, that should be self evident.  

Yes I did post (with some adjustments) this last year, the year before. then the year before, the year before that, the year before that and the year before that. Which is entirely the point.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Angry Since 1967 Christmas Ad "most moving" yet

The commercial,  an inspiring story of World War 1 soldiers, Father Christmas, Oscar Wilde's "Selfish Giant", the last 5 minutes of "Blackadder Goes Forth", Bambi's mother, "Silent Running's" Huey, Dewey and Louie, several long lost relatives reunited by Nicky Campbell and Davina McCall and the spirit of the late Robin Williams channelling an amalgam of his characters from "Patch Adams", "Awakenings" and "Bicentennial Man" trampolining in the back garden of George Bailey's house from "It's A Wonderful Life'" during a snowy Christmas truce, while a wispy female vocalist does a slow, emotional cover of Nick Berry's "Every Loser Wins". 

Dismissing claims that never raise their head, that this was an exercise in unbridled cynicism and was little more than shameless bandwagon jumping, Angry Since 1967 said "why does the media want to know the motivation behind this? Oh, right they don't"

Sunday, November 06, 2016

Angry Since 1969? Update rumours circulate.

One attosecond after a dismissal as "nonsense" rumours that "Angry Since 1967" was becoming "Angry Since 1968", well placed "sources" suggest "Angry Since 1969" has already progressed to beta release ready for deployment.

Commenting on these claims,  Angry Since 1967 said "you can stick your clickbait news stories up your hole"


Tuesday, October 25, 2016

New Angry Since 1967 Post Imminent? What to expect

1. Expect to see another, barely coherent post.

2. There'll be the usual scattering of randomly distributed punctuation.

3. Expect more of the same.

4. Like Angry Since 1967 on Facebook.

5. Tweet us on Twitter.

6. You won't believe what happens next.

7. A meme featuring a homily so open to interpretation, it would shame an astrologer.

8. See number 6 again.

9. Repeat until the last stars evaporate as the Universe slowly decays into entropy.

10. Something about checking back here for more updates.

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Angry Since 1967 to be Angry Since 1968? Ten things you MUST know

1. As usual with these things I'll start with a leading headline to make you click. A headline that I won't even attempt to address in the body of the article. 

2. I'm already padding out the ten things you MUST know. Recently a car website trailed a story as 10 performance cars for less than £5000 and then proceeded to list 10 cars that started at £7000

3. Is it now time for a question that won't be answered? 

4. I'll now post something transparently obvious about the site. It's called Angry Since 1967.

5. Is it time for another question?

6. I'll mention the problems with the current iteration, problems that only became apparent the second a rumoured update was mentioned, but are now so blindingly irritating that it renders the current version unusable. 

7. Something vague - it might rain

8. Another question? 

9. An exhortation to check back to this site for further updates - sorry "exclusive reveals" 

10. Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. 


Thursday, August 11, 2016

Rumoured Updated AS1967 Rumours Updated

Rumours of a new AS1967 product launch gathered pace when patent documents, seemingly referring to an updated version, were leaked onto the web. The blueprints, which appeared on Clickbait Technology News (CTN) show several unexpected features, including a new turbo encapulator, a smaller front deflector array, an enhanced sub-Tachyon pulse dispersal pattern and a reversal in the polarity of the neutron flow.

Connor Tist, expert at CTN said these improvements would help drive traffic to his website. "While there's likely to be no real benefit, or tangible improvements over the existing iteration of the product, the carefully conditioned insecurity of current users mean that even the negligible differences it has, will be enough to drive upgrade sales of this item. Sales which will stoked by spurious claims and misleading headlines we'll conjure from thin air, simply to be uncritically regurgitated by automated news aggregator sites…..And you won't believe what happened next…"


Saturday, July 16, 2016

"New Craze" warnings issued

A host of hitherto unknown groups, flocked to get their ten minutes in the sunshine by releasing ominous warnings about the perils of the latest craze, sweeping the planet. The latest craze, which came to a head this week, has already been blamed for a shortage of peanut butter, an increase in lewd behaviour, lax morals, a spike in petty criminality, the internet to slow, the late running of the Newtownabbey Town bus service, a decrease in llama fertility...

You know the form. I go off on one. But the point remains. Why do organisations think they have to offer some sort of expert advice about something that, not three days ago, they were completely unaware of? 

And why is their advice uncritically reported? Sudden expertise is bestowed upon them, when their "expertise" is, at best, improvised.  

It's like everyone has to get their tuppence worth in. Yes, I am aware of the irony. 

Even now, I can see a sad face picture in a newspaper when someone blames the latest craze for fuck knows what, or how it's been banned, or how it should be banned, or how it's gone viral and the rest, as it cycles the well worn, predictable and inevitable path to the destination marked "no longer a craze". A trip strewn with the debris of previous former crazes - a few disconsolate Rubik Cubes, unused ice buckets, frayed Teletubbies, the burnt out remains of hover boards, discarded Tamagotchi's, "as new" Nintendo Wii's  and several hundred thousand unread Dan Brown novels. 

Until the decks are cleared. And something new to fixate and or blame comes along. 






Tuesday, July 12, 2016

There, I said It

"Alien" is a plodding snorefest only slightly redeemed by one memorable scene. A scene which has now been rendered impotent by repetition and parody.

Friday, April 15, 2016

Video Streaming Boost Video Cassette Sales*

Video streaming sites are helping to drive sales of video cassettes, made up research suggests. Half of consumers say they have watched a movie online before buying a Video Cassette copy, according to a story where I've substituted video for music. The behaviour is more common for people who use ad-funded services such as YouTube, suggesting free videos can drive real-world sales. But 48% of people who bought video cassettes last month admit they have yet to play it. Seven million per cent of those surveyed say they do not even own a VCR.

"I have videos in my room but it's more for decor. I don't actually play them," Justin Kitchen, a student in Manchester, told us. "It gives me the old-school vibe. That's what video's all about," he added.

"Younger fans increasingly discover film on digital but collect on VHS, Betamax, Video 2000 and especially Philips N1700. Bob Cheese, from the Association of Rental Shops (England) said "Others say they buy video cassettes to support their favourite stars, while 50% of consumers identify themselves as "collectors". "It's so easy to watch things on YouTube, I think we're yearning for the times of our parents where you had to go out of your way to rent a film," said a student. "It's really nice to have an object that you can hold and physically play," agrees another, an 18-year-old from Kingston, who has started using her father's old Sanyo VTC5000 Betacord VCR. "I also think it's important to support stars financially if you can. I like it if someone puts effort into making a release look special."

The resurgence in video cassettes during a period of declining sales has been one of the video industry's more surprising success stories.

In 2014, several VHS cassette were purchased by video fans as demand increased for an eighth successive year - climbing 64% to a 21-year high.

Official Charts Company figures suggest the rise has continued in 2016, with a few V2000 cassettes sold in the first three months of the year, accounting for almost 3% of products purchased by vacuous hipsters.

The Video Cassette revival has been spurred by Video Cassette Day - which started last year as a means of helping video libraries. This year's event takes place on Saturday 16 April and sees video libraries around the UK stocking several of one-off video tapes. There will be tape releases from film stars including Jean Claude van Damme, Charles Bronson, Judge Reinhold, Steve Guttenberg, and Michael Dudikoff.

Bearded men in lumberjack shirts are more likely to visit a bricks-and-mortar video library than women, the figures suggest, but there has been an increase in the number of women buying videotapes. "About 8% of said men have bought a video tape in the last month, and that's been fairly constant over the last three of four years," says Ernie Wiseman, head of ICBM Limited. "Back in 2013, only 3% of women who wear lumberjack shirts bought a video and that's risen to 5% in the last year - so we're starting to see that gap close." However, he added: "It is still the case that less than 1 in 10000000 people are buying video, and we shouldn't forget that, despite the crowing hype to the contrary it's still a tiddly part of the market."

What tastemakers say about video cassettes

Joke Bigg
"I stream video because it's such a handy tool that, if somebody mentions a film, you can get it up straight there on your phone. And if I really like it, I will go out and buy the movie. I like Super VHS. The video waves, they're not electronic. There's something satisfying about it for the brain, I think."

Sir Eton Mess
"People don't have the attention span they used to. In the old days, you could put 8 hours of MTV Rocks on a single VHS cassette and people would sit there and really watch. People don't do that anymore."

Shazam Louis (All Paints)
"I still buy VHS. It's like books. I want to own the book, turn the pages. I'm quite old school like that. In fact, I don't even like considering it old school. It should be contemporary."

Edwin Burger: Chairman, Japanese Corporation Who Invented Betamax™ Music
"You will find people that are having a paid streaming subscription and at the same time buying video cassettes and I do believe that's not an uncommon pattern. I think streaming is for the convenience and, for some music fans, Betamax™ is for the experience."

Mick Juice (The Scythes)
"With VHS cassettes, you're buying the whole package. And sometimes they tell a whole story. Even the tape mistracking was important. Depending on what you'd seen before, we'd make the cassette mistrack because it forced you to get up off your fat hole and footer with the tracking wheel."

Carly Judy Jetson
"I prefer VHS and Betamax. I like to look at the box. My favourite film is Van Damme's "Bloodsports" - the one with the fighting in it. My family always used to watch that one."

James Morrison's
"I still like buying a physical tape and looking at the back of the box. It's nice to have a connection physically to something you own, rather than it being in the cloud somewhere online."

Juff Candlestickmaker: Chief executive, UK Videographic Industry
"Younger fans increasingly discover on digital but collect on video tape. [They] appreciate the immediacy and convenience of services such as You Tube, Apple and Showbox to discover and enjoy a huge range of movies, but they still want to own and collect films by stars they truly love."

Jim Burgervan (The Chancers)
"It is an experience putting video tape in and watching the picture roll as the VCR tries to play the mangled tape of  "Trancers" - and I don't think that can ever really be matched with other formats. People have tried to get rid of video tape, but it keeps coming back."


*of course it bloody doesn't

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Video Cassette Day 2016 Announced.

Video Cassette Day is the one day of the year when the UK's last few video libraries left come together to celebrate their unique culture and heritage.

Many films and documentaries are exclusively re-released on video cassette for the event, with several shops hosting exclusive screenings to mark the occasion.

Thousands more shops celebrate the day around the globe in what’s become the biggest annual event in the video library calendar.

The first Video Cassette Day was officially kicked off by an old Guild Home Video standee of straight-to-video favourite Charles Bronson in Stockton on Tees in 2015, and is now held every third Saturday in April.

Although there’s only one Video Cassette Day, we also work throughout the year to spotlight other special releases that are released on outmoded video formats, so check back for further updates about this auspicious occasion.

Sunday, February 21, 2016

ANGRY SINCE 1967 STEEL BOOK EDITION ANNOUNCED


After feverish speculation, Angry Since 1967 confirmed it will be releasing a Steel Book edition of its much loved blog (pictured) 




Speaking exclusively to Angry Since 1967, Angry Since 1967 said "the contents of the Steel Book Edition will be exactly the same as the ordinary version, but held within a box generically referred to as a "Steel Book". Fans can be assured we have followed industry practice and are happy to confirm zero effort has been expended on this release. It is simply an exercise in fleecing the gullible into buying the exact same item again, just because it's been packaged slightly differently. We will, of course, be charging a premium price for this release. So make sure you buy it. 



Or else". 


Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Fans "outraged" as products without a "Star Wars" tie-in are launched.

                                               
Questions have been "raised" after products were released today, NOT featuring a "Star Wars" tie-in. Instead the products, which are generic processed foods, just have the brand name, a description and a slightly optimistic picture of the contents complete with the words "Serving Suggestion" on the packaging. 

Outraged "Star Wars" fans reacted angrily to the launch. Many took to Twitter to complain, while others painted their arses blue and waved them at the passing traffic, while making light sabre-esque swooshing and humming noises. 

Adult child, Luke Solo, 53 self-declared Jedi Ambassador to the forest moon of Endor, said he was "appalled". "At this auspicious time, when a new chapter in the Star Wars saga is released, isn't it reasonable to expect every single product lining the shelves, be they condoms or bog rolls, dog food or sweeties, to be emblazoned with a "Star Wars" tie-in? Remember, many Boothan's died for this. And the absence of any "Star Wars" branding on these products is simply an outrageous and calculated slur to their memory. Frankly, that they couldn't even Wedge in an oblique reference to these films says much about the contempt this manufacturer has for the Force. And I'm not the only one who finds their lack of faith, disturbing"

Leading comedian, and Edinburgh Fringe Festival fixture, Tedium Panelshow said, "Stay on target, that's no Moon, It's a trap. I got a little cooked, but I'm okay. Use the Force, Luke". These comments were greeted with much appreciative smirking. Recalling the first time, twenty years ago, a comedian spouted random, out of context "Star Wars" dialogue for comedic effect, fan Rick Tusgrin said "that just doesn't get old" adding "holding her is dangerous" he chortled, before immediately getting a gig writing a Hollywood summer blockbuster that is now due for release in 2016.


Wednesday, December 09, 2015

Introducing "We Sound Exactly The Same As An Old Band We Think No-One Remembers"

We speak to ""We Sound Exactly The Same As An Old Band We Think No-One Remembers"" about their inclusion on the "Angry Since 1967" Perpetual List Of Bands To Hear Next Year 2016

So how does it feel? 

It feels okay, but as we're fictitious it hardly matters what we think.

You are clearly inspired by 10cc. 

You what? 

10cc? That enormously successful band from the 1970s? 

Er...I wasn't aware of them until after the album was released, so it's entirely coincidental

Really? 

Really. 

The song "I Am I Love" with the whispered "Big Girls Don't Cry" lyric on your "Deceptively Bendy" album? What sort of mugs you take us for? 

Uninformed ones thanks. Now where's our prize? 

Introducing "A Bit 80s Sounding"

We speak to "A Bit 80s Sounding" about their inclusion on the "Angry Since 1967" Perpetual List Of Bands To Hear Next Year 2016

So how does it feel? 

It feels okay, but as we're fictitious it hardly matters what we think 

You are a bit 80s sounding. Where did the inspiration for your music come from?

The 1980s

Anything else?

The Rubik's cube. Ra-Ra skirts, Frankie Says Relax. ZX Spectrum. The A Team. Roland Ra...

So are you just going to list things you think mattered between January 1st 1980 and December 31st 1989?  

Yip. That's just about it. 

Sunday, December 06, 2015

Introducing "Angst-y Singer Song Writer (Male)"

We speak to "Angst-y Singer Song (Male)" about his inclusion on the "Angry Since 1967" Perpetual List Of Bands To Hear Next Year 2016

So, how does it feel? 

It feels okay, but as I'm entirely fictitious, it hardly matters what I think

You have a beard. How important has that been to you?

It's been critical. My beard joined the team recently. Prior to its arrival, I was just a crap singer, now I'm a crap singer with a beard. My manager says I should also acquire a hat, either a trilby or a stetson. That should seal the deal

There are rumours you might start wearing wear a waistcoat? 

I can't comment on this.

You've been accused of offering nothing new musically and of being simply a reheated stew of the undigested offal of what has gone before, how do you respond to these criticisms?

Look, I have beard and will soon own a hat. You can't be any more original than that

Introducing "Angst-y Singer Song Writer With Breathy Vocals (Female)"

We speak to "Angst-y Singer Song Writer With Breathy Vocals (Female)" about her inclusion on the "Angry Since 1967" Perpetual List Of Bands To Hear Next Year 2016

So how does it feel? 

It feels okay, but as I'm fictitious it hardly matters what I think 

Who would you say your inspirations are?

I've always been inspired by John Lewis. He's a great producer, who has brought angst-y breathy vocals to a much wider audience. I hope, next year, I'm picked to perform the anodyne cover they use to accompany their gloopy Christmas advertisement. Failing that I hear Nissan need a vocalist for their launch of a new MPV which has breathy vocal vibe  

You've had a tough upbringing, when did you realise that music offered an escape? 

Mummy and Daddy wouldn't buy me an ipad to read the Guardian on. I thought "you wouldn't let me take my ponies to the gymkhana, now this? I was so miffed my music tutor said I should probably stop playing the harpsichord and apply to the Brit Academy's "Middle Class Angst" course. I was accepted immediately. The course director said he'd never seen anyone so well qualified. Their target demographers were beside themselves when I applied.

You went to Glasto this year. How was that?

We glamped in a Yurt. Daddy let me borrow his Overfinch Range Rover. I got my pink Hunter welly's dirty. There's a track about this on the new album.

You've not been compared to Mitchell or Joplin, how does that make you feel?

I was very sorry to hear of Warren Mitchell's death, as my granda was a big fan of "Citizen Smith". I learned to play "The Entertainer" on the piano at the Brit Academy so, yes I'm a big fan of Scott Joplin as well. 

You mentioned you were at the Brit Academy, Given the dreary predictable sludge its alumni have already produced, does it worry you that there's nothing left for you to ruin?

No. I'm confident that my new album "Boiled Beige" with its stale, lowest common denominator mediocrity will easily live down to expectations.

Monday, November 30, 2015

"Angry Since 1967s" Perpetual List Of Bands To Hear Next Year 2016

Fifteen invented Bands and Singers have been named in "Angry Since 1967s" Perpetual List Of Bands To Hear Next Year.

The up-and-coming artists on this year's long list range from "A Bit 80s Sounding","We Sound Exactly The Same As An Old Band We Think No-One Remembers" to Pop artists "Depressingly Predictable" and "If This Doesn't Work I'll Be A Comedian Next. Or An Actor". Dance band "Clichéd, Aul Crap, Branded As A New Dance Sub-Genre" are also included.

"Bleeding-Edge, Ultra Kewl, Game Changing Producer Whose Name We Can't Say Without Climaxing - Forgotten Next Week", "Angst-y Singer Song Writer With Breathy Vocals (Female)" and "Angst-y Singer Song Writer (Male)" also feature.

"Exotic Foreigner" and "Not Very Good, But Jesus! What A Tragic Back Story" have been backed for success after both were straddled with an off-the-peg tragic back story, which really isn't that tragic. Unless hating cabbage counts. Honestly? I was so touched by the cynicism I nearly, well almost, thought about considering crying my lamps out. "A Blatant Clone Of A Currently Successful Artist" and "We'll Be Successful This Time. Promise" have also selected for success. Amongst the others are the runts of the litter "Box Ticked", "Something Faintly World Music-y" and "Token Nod To Metal" who get listed simply to make the numbers up. Their inclusion isn't even a vague acknowledgement that 97% of the interesting music being currently produced, doesn't exist in the thin slither of music deemed fit by the wankers who compile these lists.

The tastemakers, critics and other assorted experts behind this selection include AS 1967, who is a producer*, TV presenter**, newspaper critic***, magazine editor**** and a respected blogger*****. He claimed being asked to make up some completely fictional bands showed he was "...fucking cool. Which is the entire point of this self-perpetuating horse shit. I mean it isn't about the music, it's about me and the rest of this motley band, proving we still have our collective fingers on the pulse. That we're down with the kids. I mean, even if these bands did exist, what they sound like isn't as important as the image I, and the rest of the vacuous fuckers specifically selected in the expectation we'd make these anodyne, dreary picks, hope to portray"

When the top five is announced, as none of the bands exist, they won't be featured on the Angry Since website, nor will there be any broadcast sessions or interviews with any of the winners. There is also unlikely to be a midyear review when these pretend artists have their progress assessed. Or rather they will, as these bands actually are, to all intents and purposes, real. The narrow, predictable, pedestrian range of unchallenging mediocre music from which the so-called "experts" make their selections seldom varies, rendering the outcome both inevitable and worthless. There's little to be confronted by. Nothing remotely different. Little beyond a safe facsimile of what has gone before. An unending parade of mediocrity lauded with feigned quasi-critical, and as yet entirely unearned, acclaim. 

Next year this will be rebranded the "Whoop-De-Fucking-Do" list, in an attempt to more accurately reflect the levels of anticipation, excitement and relevance the announcement generates. 

The Complete List

"A Bit 80s Sounding"
"We Sound Exactly The Same As An Old Band We Think No-One Remembers"  
"Depressingly Predictable"
"If This Doesn't Work I'll Be A Comedian Next. Or An Actor" 
"Clichéd, Aul Crap, Cached As A New Dance Sub-Genre"
"Bleeding-Edge, Ultra Kewl, Game Changing Producer Whose Name We Can't Say Without Climaxing - Forgotten Next Week" 
"Angst-y Singer Song Writer (Female)" 
"Angst-y Singer Song Writer (Male)" 
"Exotic Foreigner" 
"Not Very Good, But Jesus! What A Tragic Back Story"  
"A Blatant Clone Of A Currently Successful Artist"
"We'll Be Successful This Time. Promise" 
"Box Ticked"
"Something Faintly World Music-y" 
"Token Nod To Metal" 

The final result is expected in January, and then repeated verbatim every year until the end of time.
 
*I stood behind a camera in 1990 directing traffic while an acquaintance videoed a concert.
**Appeared on Romper Room in the early 1970s.
***Slagged off TV programmes in a student newspaper many years ago.
****Cut photos out of football magazines in the 1970s
*****If you've read any of this blog, that should be self evident.  

Yes I did post (with some adjustments) this last year, the year before, the year before that, the year before that and the year before that. Which is entirely the point.

Sunday, November 29, 2015

"Rare" Angry Since 1967 articles "Saved for The Nation"

Following a long campaign, rare Angry Since 1967 articles have been saved for the nation. This follows fears the collection, containing drafts and unpublished blog posts, would pass into foreign ownership. The campaign, which raised several pence, announced it had secured the documents for posterity. Speaking to the press, AS1967 said "this is fantastic news. Foreign ownership could have meant these posts never seeing the light of day. Now, while they will still never see the light of day, at least the light of day they won't be seeing is in the UK"

On the news "We Have Explosive" by 90s Ambient giants "Future Sound of London", re-entered the singles chart at number 195.   


Friday, November 13, 2015

AS1967 to be delivered by Drone


AS1967 announced to a shocked media, that it will be the World's first blog delivered by Drone. Speaking at the annual AS1967 Conference, Angry Since 1967 claimed "we've always been at the forefront of bandwagons. We tweeted, twerked, prinked, happy-slapped, memed, viralled, kickstarted, crowd sourced, flash-mobbed, You-Tubed, Liked and even Woollarded, before any of our competitors even knew what these were. Now, as the globe stands poised on the cusp of next media circle fuck, we at Angry Since 1967 make the paradigm shift real. This blog will be the first delivered by Drone. "Droning" will redefine the social media ecosystem and render everything else obsolete."

Following the announcement speculation mounted as to how this would be actually delivered or what the precise mechanics of this would entail. Would, for example Drone's despatch copies of the blog directly to subscribers? If so, how would that work exactly? Will they need a licence to fly these Drones? Does the CAA need to be informed? And what happens if there is a catastrophic failure? Wouldn't they need to have a single person allocated to fly each Drone? Will they be controlled from line of sight or remotely? And if remotely, again how would that work? Will they be flown from central control room? Will the deliveries be any quicker? Won't the Drone only be able to deliver one thing at a time before it has to fly back to base - where ever that base may be located? Are they allowed to fly these Drone's during the hours of darkness? Isn't likely to be more expensive to build an entirely new and (frankly) unnecessary infrastructure to support this mechanism when a very efficient delivery system already exists? Won't the public end up paying more for delivery? Why not just use the Post Office?  And a whole host of other questions which no-one has bothered asking, let alone answering. Dismissing these queries as "old media, obstructionist thinking" AS1967 said "trust me, it will just work" 

Shares in Bebo stiffened on the news

Sunday, November 08, 2015

Controversial TV Show FAILS to Trigger Social Media STORM!

Broadcasters are reeling today after last night's deeply controversial TV programme didn't generate a single indignant tweet, complaining email or the much anticipated social media furore. The show which claimed CENSORED had REDACTED over the past year. It also featured REMOVED FOR LEGAL REASONS showing WITHHELD and SUBJECT OF A SUPER INJUNCTION engaged in EXPUNGED. The photograph's accompanying the documentary were indescribably graphic, featuring scenes of vile depravity. 

The programme makers claimed "we'd gone out of our way to be offensive. Tastelessly so. And what do we get? Nothing. Not a single, solitary, frigging word. Our hashtag #deliberatelyoffensiveanddesignedpurelytoprovokeanangryaresponse is the first, on record, to get minus retweets. The bastards"

Leading Social Media commentator Foe O'Utrage, who last week was quoted as an expert on something entirely unrelated, claimed "Something vaguely plausible, dropping in some "on trend" buzzwords which leave you ultimately none the wiser" 

On the news, not much changed. 

Monday, October 26, 2015

AS1967 disappears in a puff of "metaphysical, post modernism"


Today, millions of social media users will post links to vaguely satirical websites. The link, which drops you onto a pop-up demanding that you "like us on Facebook NOW! You WILL buy one of our fucking T-shirts. Or BOOK. OR ELSE!!!" and which otherwise obscures an article that, once the X button to dismiss is located, barely raises a smirk.

Pun Name who represents a long established fortnightly satirical magazine claimed these sites would "hasten the death of paid-for satire". "Our corporate sponsors demand circulation. If this declines due to the easy availability of free satire, then where else will hedge funds and investment bankers advertise? People simply don't realise the human consequences of clicking a link to The Daily Spud or The Bunion".

Another commentator warned the unregulated proliferation of such sites meant global satire reserves were on the brink of "exhaustion". "We've already seen this happening to the comedy market, where resources are now so scarce, even people like Andy Parsons and Sarah Millican have been able to eke out successful careers as stand-ups" 

On the news, irony announced it had postponed building its long promised bypass.  

Friday, October 02, 2015

Report Warns 76% Increase in Health Warnings Coinciding With Reports about Health Warnings.

An increase in health warnings associated with reports revealing warnings about previously unknown health dangers is likely to increase, warns a report commissioned by the British Health Warning Association (BMWA). The report also warns the recent spate of health warnings which "coincide" with reports warning about the health dangers of things otherwise previously thought to be healthy, pose a threat to health. 

Responding to these findings a leading Doctor claimed it would "just be easier for everyone if you lobbed yourself off a tall bridge into the face of an oncoming express train"

Shares in frog spawn remained unchanged on the revelations. 

Welcome To Fear. Part XXIX

Death by Height 

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

New POST ON AS1967! ELDERS REACT





Of course they fucking don't. Nor do youngsters. Or whoever else happens to be pictured. 

Yet extravagantly pulled faces, contorted by repeated posing, will persuade you otherwise. Especially if you have the intellectual capacity of an unbuttered toasted wheaten farl

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Something "Bad For Business"

A leading business expert claimed something was "bad for business" and was costing the UK an estimated £1 billion pounds per day. They said "this whatever it is, is really bad for business, and it's costing business an estimated £1 billion per day". When pressed as to how the £1 billion figure was arrived at, the spokesman gazed into the middle distance, then pointed and shouted "Look. Madonna!", using the momentary confusion this caused to make his escape. 

These latest claims come hard on the heels of other recent blows to business, each of which have cost business equally huge sums of money. Sickness, absenteeism, most kinds of weather, the minimum wage, maternity leave, the education system, the UK's Time Zone, red tape, not being in the Euro, continued membership of the EU, leaving the EU, the maximum working week, toilets breaks, smoke breaks, the smoking ban, the internet, all social media,especially Facebook, traffic jams, late trains, the Tube (London Only), Health and Safety legislation, political correctness, planning regulations, lightly reheated blog posts, the Banks, product labelling, skirt lengths, the metric system, recycling requirements and "everything" have all been blamed for something. 

One leading economist, commenting on these claims said "I wish these fuckers would just shut their miserable, gurning cakeholes" 

Welcome To Fear. Part XXVIII

Death by skinny jeans

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Reduced to the mean.

Faux outrage.
Ominous warnings.
Aggrandising stunts.
A witless homily.
Pastel coloured, pencil sketched teddy bear pictures.
Something about wine.

Monday, March 02, 2015

Sight Unseen - James Bond "Spectre" Reviewed*

Although the box office success of "Skyfall" was roundly welcomed, there was a lingering sense that the film itself didn't quite live up to the usual standards of the Bond franchise. Lazy plotting and a nonsensical final third left many with a faint sense of disappointment. Well the good news is that "Spectre" is a stunning return to form, with all the gadgets, car chases, beautiful girls and stunts restored to their rightful places. Although the story, a somewhat convoluted mismatch of contrivances, coincidences and explosions, doesn't quite reach the peaks of "Live and Let Die", it doesn't plumb the depths of "Goldeneye". 

There is much for the Bond aficionado to enjoy, with some subtle nods to the past, and enough energy to entertain even more casual fans. Daniel Craig delivers a steely performance, displaying yet again why he best epitomises the "thug in a hand made suit" which Ian Flemming's archetype demands. There is also much to admire in the performances of the supporting cast. Dave Bautista's "Mr Hinx" joins the long list of memorable Bond henchmen, although it is something of a disappointment how little screen time he actually gets. Still what do they say? "Leave the audience wanting more?" Christoph Waltz plays a more restrained, modern villain than the clichéd Bond baddie, more likely to browse his phone than to evilly stroke a cat. But he still harbours crazed global ambitions. Ralph Fiennes does what he can with the material but, as his character is so lightly sketched, there's not a lot for him to work with. Which is unfortunate, given the pivotal nature of the role. 

Of course all the usual Bond boxes are ticked, Q's gadgets, glaring product placement, purely decorative female co-stars introduced to be killed and / or laid by Bond, and a theme song performed by the first singer who heaved into view. 

And the verdict? This is a Bond film whose reputation will decline between initial release and the release of the next Bond film which will, in turn, be hailed as a "stunning return to form" after the disappointment of "Spectre". 

Rating ****  

*Of course it bloody isn't. I've cobbled this together from the cast list and synopsis on IMDB. But it could be an actual review. Or, more accurately, it will be an actual review once the thing is released. And, I rather suspect, this will be just as insightful as anything produced by a reviewer who actually watches it.