Even "Eric" would serve me well

Did this ages ago then stopped. Awards ceremonies. Another different one is announced. Every Single. Fucking, Day. At the moment there are 5 stories on the BBC entertainment page about award ceremonies.  We are being swamped and a realisation has dawned that to stand out from the morass of awards and awards ceremonies simply announcing "this person won an award" isn't enough any more more. So other "award" related stories appear. These include;

Who designed the actual award trophy.
Who decided the winners.
Who is on selection jury.
Who complained about who is on the selection jury.
Who drew up the list the public get to pick from.
Who is hosting the award show.
Who hosted the awards show previously.
Who won't be hosting the award show.
Who is presenting an award.
Who isn't presenting an award.
Who sponsors the award.
Who sponsored the award last year.
Who changed the award categories.
Who complained about the changes to the award categories.
Who promised these changes weren't a snub  but reflected the current sensibilities.
Who has been nominated.
Who hasn't been nominated.
Who was nominated, but withdrew due to who sponsors the award.
Who will win the "Lifetime achievement" award.
Who will present the "Lifetime achievement" award.
Who didn't win the "Lifetime achievement" award.
Who has fans campaigning online for a "Lifetime achievement" award
Who will be showing the awards ceremony.
Who won last year.
Who still hasn't won.
Who was present, even though they weren't nominated.
Who was wearing what.
Yet the most relevant one of all gets ignored.
Who fucking cares?

Welcome To Fear. Part XVI

Death By Exercise

Welcome To Fear. Part XV

Death By WiFi

Welcome To Fear. Part XIV

Death By Soup

Another update

Yes. So. And. More later. Perhaps. Or not. Who knows? The notion about blogging completely left me. Why? Because (starting a sentence with "because?" will I ever learn) this thing having to use another browser seems an awful rigmarole just so I can post another inarticulate rant. In fact it might just be the deal breaker for AS1967. Although there's also a more pervasive feeling, which I can't shake off, that I'd get just as much satisfaction from shouting at myself in the mirror.

What happened there?

I've literally not been inundated with messages from people wondering what happened. Why, they don't ask, has Angry SInce 1967 not been updated for so long?

There's a simple response. The gabshites at Google removed Opera from its list of supported browsers, meaning if I wanted to post using it, I had to learn HTML. HTML? To post on a WYSIWYG editor? You must be fecking joking. Except they aren't. So here I am begrudgingly using another browser to post this missive*.

It's a bollocks. Make no mistake.

*which can't even display this simple text screen properly without adding an extra space in front of this blog post's title. Magic isn't it?

Welcome To Fear. Part XIII

Death By Vitamin Tablets

Absolutely the best Odds and Sods post in the World Ever! This Month! Part Two

Yeah another one of those mix and match posts I call odds and sods. 

Keen readers (those left) may have noticed I haven't mentioned the words "recruitment"  or "agency" for a while. Two reasons for this; it was boring me rigid whinging about the same thing all the time, and I've managed to get a job. Now when I say 'job' I mean that in the "any port in a storm' sense rather than the 'the next stage in my career'. The details of where and why aren't that important (trust me) although I now have first hand experience of the old saying "never go back'.

Another thing I haven't written about in ages is HMV. Why? Again I think I've discussed it through, and another progress report on its demise doesn't really add anything. Anyway the real action will take place after Christmas.

I was reading an article earlier on the BBC site about educational attainment in Northern Ireland. The gist of the piece is that NI's education system isn't as great as we are led to believe. The detail doesn't really interest me very much but one sentence just stuck me as good an example of "stating the fucking obvious" as I've ever seen. "There is a marked difference between highest and lowest performing students and a significant long tail of under achievement." claims a well regarded Prof. Now just roll that sentence around in your head for a moment. So there's a difference between the highest and the lowest. Cheers for pointing that out Prof. I'd never have worked that one out on my own.

My pursuit of SACD's has taken on a life of its own. The prices of the discs on ebay are little short of bewildering. I've seen Peter Gabriel's "So" for £79.99. I kinda kick myself now when I recall the mountains of these SACDs which Fopp in Cambridge had for sale. God knows what I was thinking about not buying them. There are bargains to be had - a new copy of the rare as hens teeth collectors SACD version of Depeche Mode's "Violator" was picked up for a £10. I couldn't believe I got it for so little. The guy in Head in Belfast was bemused when I told him the price second hand versions were going for. Although I think he was even more baffled by what SACD was. A week later I picked up an even rarer Can SACD in the same place for a fraction of the cost of one on ebay. Now? I've taken to trawling the second hand shops for them. Just in the off chance. The point is - they sound absolutely incredible so it is well worth the effort. "Violator" sounds like nothing else, and renders the CD version as unlistenable as MW radio. I described it elsewhere as being like someone wiping the Windolene from a dirty window. And it is. Only better than that. 
  

Angry Since 1967 'to split'?

Rumours are circulating 'Angry Since 1967' will split after its next post. While the full details have yet to emerge it seems 'Angry Since' will attempt to go-it-alone, without "1967'. Word reaches us that 'Angry Since' has been  trying to gain the exclusive rights to the blog. An insider claimed the site had been "riven" with internal disagreements. Recent attempts at relaunches and "reconciliation" between the two camps had been 'abject failures'. "Angry Since' just doesn't think "1967" is doing its fair share any more". Questions as to the blog's future were further fuelled by the recent public spat when "Angry Since" claimed it was carrying '1967'. "They've contributed nothing in the last two years, beyond dangling their numerals at the end of our words". Although denials were issued, and claims the quote was taken 'out of context by the media' it seems an announcement concerning '1967s' continued participation is imminent.  

A commentator makes wild stabbing guesses at what possible outcomes await the protagonists. 

It seems incredible to consider that something which has had such a massive impact could be about to come to an end. I'm sure we can all remember the first time we encountered 'Angry Since 1967'. How we marvelled at its growth, from humble roots into the globe spanning behemoth it is now. The impact this blog has had on our lives is almost incalculable. Indeed It is hard to imagine a world without "Angry Since 1967". Like you, I find it difficult to comprehend such a thing. That said, there has been a sense a peak has been passed. Recent posts, which have been proclaimed as "stunning returns to form" by some, seem to lack the old bite, preferring (seemingly) to fixate on bewildering obscurist parodies* and in-jokes no-one gets. So what of the two camps? While "Angry Since' is most likely to succeed and prosper, it is much more difficult to see what '1967' can do on its own. Cast adrift, perhaps a career on the celebrity TV circuit awaits? What an ignominious irony that would be. One question, begging an answer, is whether the whispers about "Angry Since" sounding out other years are true. The well documented relationship which has developed between 'Angry Since' and 1979 has been a source of much speculation, and although "Angry Since 1979" does sound odd, it does have a certain comforting familiarity. The one thing we can be certain of is that in this period of uncertainty nothing is certain any more.  

* Which is exactly what this is. Although telegraphing it as such rather defeats the point I'm making**. That's why this sentence is down here. With an asterisk. 
** Although, and on reflection, not as much as actually stating the fact that I'm making a point about defeating the point***
***That's the sort of comment which could, if followed to its logical conclusion, tie people in metaphysical knots .So I'll give over.   
   

Thinking the unthinkable about Unthink

A new social networking site has set up - Unthink, After much ho-ha it's there for all to see. And? Well I'm unaccountably reminded of Current TV. Same vaguely defined, yet lofty goals contrasting with the bollox reality of their provision. Take these two examples from their about page

"Unthinker...never lose sight of their potential, hate stale thinking, never tolerate intrusive or wasteful behavior and actively participate in shaping our future."

And

"All Unthinkers ...have adopted a win-for-all attitude, People - Business - Nature, and use the UNTHINK TREE to communicate ‘In Partnership with Nature’" 

Clearly unthinking is a prerequisite for participation with this crowd, as anyone with a semblance of rational thought should wonder; what the fuck are they talking about? This reads as a cross of new age guff (complete with its crystal energy, magic beans and spiritual trees), the mission statement of the worst type of company to work for (Publicly? Cuddly. Internally? Run like a Stalinist gulag), an irony free reading of Orwell's 'newspeak' and the unspecific intonations of fortune tellers and psychics. 

I think I'll pass.     

Blogger - Singing Opera's Finale?

You may have noticed that my posting has dropped away. Two reasons for this - I'm not feeling very inspired (no change there then) and, more problematically, Google have decided to stop supporting Opera* (that's Opera the browser not the other sort, although they've probably done that as well - just for a laugh). What to say about Google? That their status as "loveable internet geeks" has been transformed to "a bunch of tyrannical fuckers, only interested in controlling and logging every single part of your online life". They bought You Tube and Blogger and introduced a browser. Then, to "simplify things" forced you to create a single account for all of them. As I'm logged into Blogger, I'm now logged into Google and You Tube. Why? Why do they think I need, or more fucking importantly, want this? But like anything you learn to deal with it. Or I did until last weekend when I logged in to post some bollox about the BBC Proms; Only to be greeted with a little thing asking me to "try the updated blogger interface". And do you know what? It doesn't work in my browser of choice - Opera. Now you could say "big deal. Download Chrome and be done with it" but I'd respond "why?" It worked previously, I didn't get any notice it was changing, so why should I? It's hard not to be cynical, but it strikes me that by forcing Opera users to switch to their browser they are, in effect, trying to undermine a competitor. Microsoft tried the same thing by blocking access to Hotmail from Opera a few years ago. It didn't end well for them. Looks like someone hasn't learned from their expensive mistake.  

So why do I use Opera? Initially it was to wind people up. A previous employer, a company who only knew the price of things, not how much they cost, decided to move from Microsoft Exchange to a thing called Zimbra for the email and calendars. Why? Because it was free and 'Open Source' - something which delighted a certain individual who'd been employed to..er..to...no it'll come to me...no....tip of my tongue...nope, 'fraid I can't work out what they did, beyond sitting in the sunshine photosynthesising and making the odd wibbling noise. So Zimbra - Open Source - it'll work with any browser except IE. So I downloaded Opera just to see. Delightfully it didn't work. Cue furrowed lower lips and burrrring noises. Then they locked down the PCs just in case we'd download porn or something. Opera updates much more regularly than other browsers. The admin guy must have spent an hour every month just getting it updated. So I have to admit I downloaded Opera entirely for badness (and before anyone gets the idea - my fate with this company had been sealed long, long before this) but, shock horror, it turned out I liked it. Now? I'm so used to the mouse gestures I find myself trying them on software which doesn't support them. Odd that. So you'd imagine in the face of this bollox from Google I'd do something similar. You'd be right   

Angry Since 1967 faces "legal challenge"

The long running legal battles between hi-tech companies took another turn this morning when Angry SInce 1967 became the latest to become embroiled. Citing "misappropriation of the capital "A", one particularly litigious company claimed that such a prominent site using a name starting with the letter "A" was likely to "cause confusion in the mind of the consumer". They further accused Angry Since 1967 of "deliberately following the first letter with three consonants, all of which which appear in the same alphabet our as our brand name. We find this particularly questionable as the word in question is also 5 letters long. There seems doubt that this is an attempt to cash in on the reputation of our brand. We will not allow any one to piggy back their brand id onto our carefully constructed image of free spirited, dope smoking, "Grateful Dead" loving, commune dwelling hippies, content to travel Southern California in a battered VW Camper, looking for somewhere to surf". In papers seen by sources they also allege "1967" used numbers which "may, or may not, at some point previously, or at some point in the future, be exploited as branding, or potential branding, for products we may or may not produce". They also point to concerns about using a word containing an "I", on the basis that some of their next generation product names may also feature a similar vowel. Commenting on this one analyst claimed that a judge would likely find in someone's favour. Or it would be thrown out. "It's an easy way of getting publicity. And it's cheaper than advertising because it generates its own copy, as page after dreary page of this nonsense gets debated and then re-debated on sites like the BBC." 

On the news, shares in both companies enjoyed a caravanning holiday in Groomsport.

Angry Since 1967 Since August 2006

I've been having some problems trying to figure out an appropriate way to look back over the first 5 years of "Angry Since 1967". A light hearted procession of anecdotes? An "Angry Since 1967 Top 50 Greatest Moments" show on Channel 4, featuring people who've become celebs since this post? A range of commemorative crockery? A book of my greatest posts, now in annotated form? A Directors cut, re-mastered, re-released, complete with "never before seen" storyboards, a commentary track and an alternative ending? Articles about how "Angry Since 1967" changed everything? A newspaper column by someone claiming they saw it first? Another claiming it isn't any good now and how they hanker for the old days? A street party? Fireworks? A big mural? An honorary degree? A week of concerts? A grandiose statue? A triumph through the streets of Belfast? Or just another pithy post, short on coherence, which makes even less sense than usual? 

Can you guess which one I finally picked?   

Now That's What I Call "Odds and Sods" Vol 20

Any who.

I look forward to the headline "Increasing Decline Steadies" as it would neatly encapsulate the nonsense of the stock market. The predictions of boom, then bust, then boom, have taken on the air of an Breakfast TV astrologer in a bad knitted jumper. With one key distinction - at least astrology has a firm basis in fact*.

I did howl at the BBC's (and others) publication of a survey which proved Internet Explorer users were thick. Not because they swallowed this nonsense hook, line and sinker, rather that it took so long for them to be finally caught out.

I was dandering around Belfast's Saturday Food Market. Among the stuff for sale was a jar of Organic Salt. Harvested, no doubt, from a free range quarry. 

*when I say "fact", I mean that in the "it's utter bollox" sense.

OMGZ! LOLZ! ROFL! WTF? ETC!

 

Move along there's nothing to see here. Although, and in fairness, at least it is a video featuring someone - Carole Hersee to be precise. Granted she's holding a piece of chalk, playing Noughts and Crosses against a toy clown, rather than telling you how many people haven't read your Facebake profile. But, as anyone who has ever clicked on any of those links which claim to do such things will know, this is probably just as accurate.  

EXCLUSIVE! AS1967 discusses the future of "Angry Since 1967" in his own words

Contraitioned sinctionlary. Dispotispic uxtirnel? Yiaps.

Today's figure pulled from the "cost to the economy" hat is

"Millions"

If ever there was an example of the bollox at the core of stories like this, then here it is. No figures, no proof, just a suggestion that something might, under certain circumstances, cost somebody something. And yet, there it is published in all its unchallenged glory, destined to be quoted as a substantiated source, not because it is a substantiated source, but because it has had this legitimacy conferred by implication; "It's on the BBC so it must be true" 

Angry Since 1967 Sky acquistion "possible"

We can exclusively reveal that Angry Since 1967 is examining its "options" with consideration to purchasing Sky. Details of the offer, which sources indicate may extend to the acquisition of a Sky Plus HD box and a multiroom subscription, have caused shockwaves within Virgin Media, who many considered the clear favourites for this lucrative contract. One analyst claimed that while "Angry Since 1967" had gone through a period of "uncertainty", the recent termination of its contract with O2 for its broadband provision and the subsequent move to Virgin Media showed an altogether more "focused stance" than they had come to expect. This decision they claim, followed by the resignation of several people in O2 reported at the time as temporary contracts ending, shows "a willingness to change".  Virgin Media seemed well poised to benefit from AS1967 new strategy, and speculation was mounting that they, rather than Sky, would be confirmed as AS1967s TV supplier. "If Sky have in secured the deal then it would be something of a surprise." Although no-one from Angry Since 1967 was available for comment, one well placed source claimed that AS1967s "reliance" on Freeview was now considered "untenable" as the "reception is bollocks" meaning they can't "record anything without it becoming a mess of pixelated interference" so they just want something which "bloody well works, even if it does cost me an extra £20 a month"

Shares in both companies remained unchanged. 

"Beleaguered" blog denies "takeover" plans on "agenda"

Beleaguered blog Angry Since 1967 has been forced to deny rumours of a takeover. Speaking earlier a spokesperson claimed "A takeover? Have you taken leave of your senses? Oh right I get it, you are now going to just ask me random questions, hoping to get a denial , the existence of which legitimises the original outlandish claim". Commenting further he also denied rumours of plans to invade China, an Angry Since 1967 manned mission to Jupiter and the invention of cold fusion using nothing more than a 7-Up soaked tampon and some chalk. Responding to this latter statement a physicist claimed Angry Since 1967's denial of involvement in cold fusion experiments would "fuel" speculation that Angry Since 1967 are on the cusp of "something", although they wouldn't be drawn if this would be sustainable cold fusion or just a sticky, faintly lemon and lime smelling, female sanitary product.  

Ravaged blog "concedes" hacking allegations.

AS1967 was embroiled in further controversy last night following an admission that it previously engaged in "hacking". This bombshell follows recent revelations about the blogs declining readership and resultant financial cut backs. Conceding the point, AS1967 admitted that "hacking" had been endemic in the past. "I now freely admit I hacked people. In my defence though, this was entirely due to my lack of skill at football, particularly went it came to tackling." Pressed on the point, AS1967 denied "hacking" still occurred. "At my age? Have you seen the shape of me? I haven't hacked anyone since I retreated back to nets".  

Troubled blog announces "cost cutting measure"

Embattled blog Angry Since 1967 has, following the publication of its latest figures, announced a range of cost cutting measures, the most controversial being a reduction in the number of vowels used per posting. Speaking exclusively Angry Since 1967 claimed the recent hike in the cost of vowels was "unacceptable" and demanded action from the government. "We think it is appalling that every time we use a vowel the government adds a 60% levy. What we are asking for, especially in light of the recent punitive increases in the cost of exclamation marks, is for the government to either pick something else to tax, or ask the vowel producing nations to up production. These recent cost increases, exacerbated by the global shortage in the lower case "u's", has encouraged speculators to move in, sensing a way to make easy profits. The Government seems unwilling to acknowledge they can help ease the pressure"

Statistics suggest 3 letters out of 5 go straight to the Government, something which has long been a source of friction. This was most visibly demonstrated during the recent "recite the alphabet slowly" campaign which brought several large regional dialects of English to a virtual halt. Campaigners claim, unlike other nations where tax breaks are available for those who use random umlauts or circumflexes, the UK is out of sync with the rest of Europe; "We are being penalised simply to fill the deficit left when the EU banned governments from taxing the use of single digit prime numbers". Angry Since 1967 would not be drawn on possible responses, although speculation is mounting that it will shortly abandon vowels altogether and start publishing its posts in Welsh.   

"Embattled" blog announces relaunch and revamp.

Following disappointing reading figures AS1967 has undergone another major revamp. In a letter meant for staff members only, the change in editorial focus, repositioning the blog as a celebrity news site, is described as "drinking at the last chance fucking saloon sunshine." It continues, claiming they have "decided to pin the blame for the decrease in readership on internet piracy and the recession, despite it being entirely our own fault". To counter this decline they claim that "after 3 seconds consideration, we've decided the one sure way to keep AS1967 afloat until it's bailed out by a Russian billionaire, is to follow the herd and fill this becalmed whale of a thing with the minutia of the lives of former soap stars, celebrity postmen and people who've featured in reality TV shows". Responding to questions about how these changes would fit with AS1967's Ofblog charter requirements, they claimed "fine, be like that. But don't blame us if no-one reads it any more and we're forced to close the blog, putting literally a single person out of work. Although technically they don't actually "work" rendering point entirely moot". 

This is the latest in a long line of increasingly desperate revamps for the troubled blog. It lost half of both its readers when it moved to being written topless. Further damage was caused when an attempt to market it as a lads blog, failed thanks to "lads" being transposed as "labs", causing bafflement and bewilderment to dog owners and experimental chemists everywhere. One expert claimed this could be a final throw of the dice "the next step is for them to become a 3D blog, although the technology to deliver this is both expensive and limited. Everyone, including those those with perfect vision will be forced to wear peculiar contraptions in front of their eyes, precariously balanced on the user with little more than ear holders and the top of the viewers nose for support. Although there has been great strides made in the performance of these devices, they are normally restricted to people who are either long or short sighted. The technology is therefore completely unproven". Analysts suggest if this revamp were to fail then the outlook is "bleak", most agreeing the likely outcome for AS1967 is for it to be used to sell Ipod accessories at greatly inflated prices.

You should, perhaps, be concerned if

- the bar you've walked into has karaoke advertised as starting at 9 am.
- you work for an organisation who've just posted a loss of £225 million.
- you work for HMV. 
- the burger you are about to eat is a tie in with a summer blockbuster.
- it claims to be something "flavour".
- your only hope of rescue is a deal with a Chinese car manufacturer.
- it costs you more than £2 a minute to answer the question you've been asked.
- their answer to 4 minus 2 isn't "2"
- it's a free scratch card with a peak rate telephone "winners hotline".
- it's damaged repaired. 
- it's reconditioned.
- the brand name isn't spelt quite the way you remember. 
- the unsolicited pop-up on the website says "trusted download".
- the healthy option has more fat and salt than the unhealthy option.
- your Orange juice has had colouring added from something that isn't an Orange.
- your fruit flavour drink contains vegetable fat. 
- it has "modified starch" listed amongst the ingredients. Unless it is wallpaper paste.
- they associate sporting prowess with drinking fermented vegetable juice.
- they associate "extreme" sports with their chemical tasting energy drink.
- it's an "extreme" sport. 
- they use a local radio DJ to advertise their products. 
- Jools Holland likes them. 
- their latest album consists of cover versions and contains the word "Songbook"  
- what they do is prefixed with the word "celebrity."
- it is referred to as a "house spirit."
- they refer to Carlsberg as a "premium lager". 

Welcome To Fear. Part XII

Death by music festival

Vaguer than Eric "Vague" McVague. The least specific person in Ambiguous-ville

Long term readers (both of you) will have probably gathered that I'm fairly direct about things. A spade is always a spade, never a non-autonomous personal excavation contrivance. Yet here I am, just about to do the very thing I don't do. Indeed as this is all I'm going to post (at this point at least) it renders whatever it is I'm referring to completely meaningless. Or rather it would be meaningless if I wasn't flagging up the fact that it isn't. 

See? 

And all I'm prepared to offer up as way of an explanation is a quote I found a while ago, which rather neatly sums things up.

"Idealism is what precedes experience, cynicism is what follows." 

Or rather it almost sums things up.   

We used to sell music.

Just to mention this in passing but HMV (remember them?) have been granted a two year stay of execution by their creditors. This comes the day after I visited my local branch and noticed that they have reduced their CDs down to two half aisles. Or, to put this into context, roughly a sixth of the space they devote to DVDs and half the space they waste on Ipod accessories. 

Them lasting another two years seems hopelessly optimistic.  

Welcome To Fear. Part XI

Death By Mobile Phone

Feedback?

I've had an feedback back from a recruitment agency. Granted they only sent it after some not so subtle cajoling. This despite a prior assurance that they didn't do business "like those other agencies you have been dealing with". "Hell", I thought "its better than nothing". Or maybe not. It seems I don't meet their "exacting requirements". Then, in a poetic demonstration of their own "exacting requirements", 10 minutes later I received the same email, this time from someone else. 

Quite.   

Welcome To Fear. Part X

Death by Vuvuzela

Welcome To Fear. Part IX

Death by nose blowing

I wouldn't mind if it was Nobel. Day Three

I'm going to make a slight change to this. Now that the BBC entertainment news pages are almost now exclusively devoted to reporting / hyping Awards ceremonies I've decided only to mention those which merit mentions on the BBC's general news pages. Why? Simple. I think I've made my point.

I wouldn't mind if it was Nobel. Day Two

Another thought struck me about this. Perhaps I was a bit hasty in saying awards ceremonies get three hits at coverage. Some get four. So where does this extra one come from? Announcing the make-up of the jury which decides the results. Such and such made chair of Awards Ceremony jury. So and so on Awards Ceremony jury. The stories write themselves.  

I wouldn't mind if it was Nobel....

And just to prove the point. Today's other winner. Of an Award. For photography, 

The question arises though. Broadly speaking both these awards cover the same thing. So which one is better? Perhaps there should be some sort of play off? Or, in true Gadget Show / Top Gear style, a series of increasingly outlandish, and decreasingly funny challenges to decide which one is "actually" the best*. 

*Now there's an idea for a TV show. And it makes more sense than a robotic hare chasing people around a TV studio. Or at least, it makes as much sense as that does.  

I wouldn't mind if it was Nobel....

And today's winner is....

Just to explain. I can't be the only one to have noticed the explosion in awards ceremonies. It seems a day now doesn't pass without someone winning something. Now I'm not going to dispute the validity of the winners winning, I mean who am I to judge? Rather I'm more interested in the fact that there are so many bloody awards to pick from now. It would be entirely possible for the BBC news site to feature surveys which prove what they were designed to prove, the latest threat to your health, how much something cost the economy and a feature on some awards ceremony. Which, if cutely managed, gets three hits - the announcement of the shortlist, the pre-announcement of the "special" winners and then the actual winners themselves. I'm not one to say it, but there is now a self perpetuating awards industry. I think the only logical way to recognise the sterling work they do is by having an award they can compete for. Then we'd finally know which one is the most worthy*. 

*Of course what confuses things is that the remit of many of these awards is defined so narrowly that there's barely enough of a choice to make a shortlist. For example one for "Best Blog Called Angry Since 1967". Not that I'd stoop to that.... 

One social media thing down, a few more to go.

I was going to write something about twitter, in the style of a twitter post. But then I realised, mimicking the 140 character limit means I
   

Today's figure pulled out of the "cost to the economy hat" is

Up to* £280 Billion per year. Or is it up to £55 Billion? Who knows?

*I love the caveat "up to". I've mentioned before the nonsense-ese this phrase encapsulates when Head And Shoulders used "up to 100%" to claim how good their shampoo was at removing dandruff.. This little term is like some fantastically powerful algebraic function which can be used to generate any end figure you like without ever having to demonstrate how you actually reached it. But it doesn't stop there. I can claim. quite accurately, the grade I achieved in may French "O" Level was "up to an A". Which, when you think about it, sounds a hell of a lot better than a "U"?

It's SPEND, SPENDS, SPENT.

Am I the only person to have noticed how the words "spend", "spends" and "spent" have become, in media parlance at least, euphemisms for wasting money? You know the sort of thing. Local council "spends" an amount on something. The inference? The money is being squandered. You can be damn sure if you see the word "spend" or a derivative of it, especially IN CAPITALS then the people writing the article don't approve of the expenditure. 

Revenge of The Odds And Sods II

Bit of housekeeping.

I see HMV has acquired the epithets "troubled" and "embattled". The word "failed" can't be too far away.   

As I mentioned yesterday I've been thinking of rebranding the site in an effort to make it more in line with the current clamour for "digital activism". To this end I'd redrafted my profile description, adding the word "aspiring". Suddenly I was transformed from a bile drenched cynic to an "edgy social commentator and aspiring Journalist". I love the magical power of words to create whichever fictional identity you want. "Lost" becomes "misplaced", "found" becomes "revealed" and "pie in the sky, fantasy you've no hope of ever achieving" becomes "aspiring". Then I decided against it. People* wouldn't realise I was taking the piss.

*I'd like to say a big HELLO to Dreamworks SKG** by the way. They were on here a couple of days ago. No doubt they were so inspired by what they read that a movie version of this site has already been greenlit. I'm looking forward to Angry Since 1967 3D. Can you get Jennifer Connelly to play the love interest please?

**Of course by Dreamworks SKG I mean someone from a domain purporting to be Dreamworks SKG, which as anyone familiar with how the internet works will know this is something to be treated with scepticism. If it was them though I suspect they were on checking to see if I had any dodgy links to download hooky versions of their movies rather than seeking inspiration.***

***It's a bit of a meander this one. God knows why. I'll put it down to too many fine German ales last night.    

Angry Since 1967 likes this.

I'd been thinking about rebranding myself as a "Digital Activist". But then I realised that there's more to activism (the whole "active" root of the word "activist" for starters) than responding to a hashtag on Twitter. If Twitter had existed during the French Revolution "#StormTheBastille" would have 400,000 followers, a You Tube channel, an app for your iphone (Angry Peasants?) and lots of likes on Facebook. 

And France would be a monarchy to this day.

The 200th*

So 200 posts then. Who would have thought it possible? Certainly not me. I reckoned I'd be bored with this blogging thing after about a month, so that I'm still posting here 4 1/2 years later is quite an achievement (obviously I use the term "achievement" in its "winning a music award presented by a magazine" or "an endeavour badge for failing to swim 10 metres" sense). Of course that I'm howling about the same things I was way back in the summer of 2006 says something as well. What that might be isn't immediately clear though. No doubt the profundity of this fact will present itself at some indeterminate moment in the future. In the meantime? Well there seems little point in worrying about it.

*Seasoned AS1967 readers will probably realise something more substantial is brewing. Although "stewing" is probably be a more accurate description. At the moment, I'm trying to make something currently unreadable into something more palatable, much as you would if you had a big bottle of Bile flavoured Quosh which has to be diluted with 5 parts water before it can be safely consumed..    
  

Today's figure pulled out of "Cost to the Economy" hat is

£280m. Per day.

Welcome To Fear. Part VIII

Death by recycled cardboard.

Welcome To Fear. Part VII

At last we know the answer to the question Dr Pepper posed. 

Yeah I know...

I want to move home. Location dependent on TV show. 

I want to stay at home, but it needs a lick of paint. Any chance? 

I've an old watch. How much will you give me for it? 

I've £20 to spend on junk at a car boot sale. Can someone help me choose something I can then sell on for a profit?

I can win money playing 50/50 or participating in a quiz where the odds are completely loaded against me. 

I think this celeb is great / bad because of something in today's paper. 

Once hailed as the most important US import on TV.

I've invited complete strangers around for dinner so I can win money.  

I've had an accident and I wasn't to blame. Can anyone help?

I want to know where I can get the best deal on insurance?  

Something more important than what we are currently reporting on is scrolling across the bottom of the screen. Look! More breaking news!

Cookery. 

More cookery. 

Rerun of twee UK crime show. 

And now the Six O'clock News.

And repeat 5 days a week.   

Today's figure pulled out of "Cost to the Economy" hat is

£27 Billion

Just One Other Thing

When TV stations can't think of anything to fill their schedules with they simply dust down old episodes of US Cop shows and hope no-one notices.

And so, finding myself in a similar position, You Tube let's me do the same.  

Angry Since 1967 Costs UK Economy Tens Of Pence.

A leading financial organisation claimed Angry Since 1967 was costing the UK economy 30p a week in time otherwise used for more productive things like watching TV, scratching your hole, or wondering if you've left the iron on. Their chief economist said "We've calculated that the time wasted reading Angry Since 1967 costs the UK economy some 30p a week. You'll note this figure is neither 29p nor 31p but exactly 30p. And if that doesn't tell you all you need to know then no amount of hinting will make it clear. I mean come on. Isn't it obvious? We just pluck these figures out of the air. It doesn't matter if it's the cost of bad weather, money wasted by people having a shit or time spent on Angry Since 1967, no-one ever asks the fundamental question of "how precisely did you work that out?" Instead they simply accept the figures we publish and build the story to fit. Yes we, and our colleagues in other companies, may have the word "Economics", "Finance", "Consultancy" or "Analyst" in our organisations name but that doesn't mean you should simply take every single word issued as the unchallengeable gospel truth. I mean, come on? No one can, with any real accuracy, know how much it costs the economy when it snows. Or rains. Or when it didn't snow. Or rain. Yet we can. To the nearest round figure. The laughs we've had watching as the media report the bollox we produce as if it was based on tangible, methodical research. Consider this. Do you think a large commercial organisation would really devote the necessary resources of time and money to produce figures they know will never be challenged? Or that adverse weather conditions somehow don't impact us, meaning that while everyone else shivers, we have the resources in staff and time to produce figures based on painstaking research?"

 When asked what the future held the spokesman said "We'll be releasing figures next next week which will make for interesting reading. We've quantified the the cost to the economy of these "cost to the economy" reports. We estimate it to be in the region of at least £37 million, or £5 million, or £5.40, although the final figure won't be known until we pick it out of our big hat". 

More than words*.

Odd one this. I have that feeling I should be posting something more substantial than another "oo-ee look at the fearmongering bollox on the BBC website" but, and this is a shocking admission, I can't think of anything. So this post is about nothing. It is a phantom, a notion of a post. I'm sure you can imagine how it would go. Howling derision, impotent finger waggling and metaphorical eye rolling directed at some seemingly unimportant thing which I kid myself into thinking reveals an inner truth, but that actually doesn't reveal the truth (inner or otherwise) at all. Now some might claim that this post says more, by saying nothing at all, than my usual 500 word rants. And that's fair enough. But then I'd have to conclude that this nebulous "some" include followers of the noted Irish philosopher Ronan Keating amongst their number.

Exactly.   

*No. The other one. 

Welcome to Fear. Part VI

3D Television poses possible risk to health

Welcome To Fear. Part V

Death by Art installation

And win £200

With stuff like this and this appearing on it, I'd like to know when the BBC News site became an extension of "You've Been Framed?" 

Sorry about this...

But I can't let this go uncommented. HMV has had the terms of its credit insurance reviewed. Management Today  report it's actually been withdrawn from several of its key suppliers. As I was made redundant almost directly as the result the exact same thing happening to client of the company I used to work for, I can only imagine the ensuing panic this news has generated with HMV, despite their protestations to the contrary. 

If the vultures weren't already circling, then they are at least being fuelled and readied for flight. 

Recent Customer Service Failings on Angry Since 1967

Following recent revelations “Angry Since 1967” would like to assure its reader that Customer Service is something we only pay lip service when we have to. Further we will use a predictable excuse if our piss awful service is revealed on a TV consumer programme. To this end we’d like to assure our user the recent isolated problems which some people may have experienced are entirely due to the previous owners of this site, the staff have been retrained, the software glitch has been resolved, best practice guidelines have been issued, our supplier contracts have been renegotiated, and the people involved have been disciplined. We also acknowledge our culpability by admitting that a dog ate our corporate homeworks.

We treat all customer service complaints raised via TV consumer programmes entirely on the merits of how many people might watch the show. So if you are from a show on BBC1 shown on a weekday morning you might as well paint your arse purple and wave it at the passing traffic for all the good it will do. Alternatively if you appear at peak time on a minority channel, and have gone to the trouble of having a hidden camera secreted about your person and disguising yourself with a long wig so you can experience the shocking truth at first hand, we will still ignore your whinging.  At this point we'd recommend organising a march with placards to our Head Office. Here you will be refused admission, allowing for the entirely predictable shot of the presenter tutting about how no-one in the company seems interested in the not really very “shocking” issue they’ve uncovered. Thus allowing the presenter to achieve their ultimate goal – a career enhancing apotheosis to a “Consumer Champion”. If, to seal the deal, you require a picture of you being escorted from the premises by a security guard, let us know in advance and we can have a suitable individual in attendance to assist you in getting the required shot.  

While the public statements we make, when issues such as these come to light, will continue to have the veneer of contrition, you can be confident that however sincere they appear, we will continue to engage in these activities. Of course these practices will be subtly adjusted and redefined, but they will remain our policy until the next prune faced busy body sticks their interfering nose in, mistakenly believing they, unlike the preceding line of presenters who tried and failed, will be the person who stamps out these long established sharp practices once and for all. 

Statement Ends.

Saturday Night's Alright (For Posting).

You know that moment when you spot something so obvious that you haven't ever noticed it before? Well that's happened this evening. I've decided I now want a flat in warehouse conversion. Not because it may, or may not be a great place to live, but rather to move into the lucrative "somewhere to shoot the talking head to camera in a Top 100, Best Comedy Show or some other cheap bollox Channel 4 fill the long spaces in their schedules between "Come Dine With Me" and "Grand Designs". I'd even provide my own camera, saving them some cash. Christ if they were really skint I'd sit there and go "Fuck Stretch Armstrong / East 17 / Are You Being Served / Milli Vanilli, what was going on there?", while pretending to care what the fuck the show is about. If needs be I could probably scratch together a minor comedian who once appeared in a smug panel or a woman famous for baring all in Maxim just as that whole "Ladette" thing died on it's arse. 

Sorry I can't think of a title

There's a truism (and if there isn't there should be) that if you are bored writing something, then people will be bored reading it. And that's what I've realised about this stuff about HMV. So I'm going to give it a rest for a while. There's plenty else I can write about, such as the news the BBC are to produce yet another Charles Dickens adaptation. Something, I'm sure we all agree, we don't need. Its commissioning demonstrates a couple of things, the stultifying lack of imagination at the heart of UK TV drama and the vice like grip the public domain has on what we see on TV. I can't wait to miss it. 

The best "Odds and Ends" post in the World EVER (Volume 2)*

Just clearing the decks from 2010.

The Award for the Worst Recruitment Agency has been won by the agency discussed here. Of course I can't remember their name beyond that it had three names. So for convenience I've decided to name them "Barnyard, Cover And Loaf". Well done. You had some tough competition, and only the arrival of a conciliatory e-Christmas card from the other main contender clinched BC&L the award. 

As usual with these things there is an expectation to list the best of the previous year, not so much to demonstrate your taste, but rather prove how "in touch" you are. So the best album? The Divine Comedy album was patchy, featuring two great tunes, and a lot of filler. Chicane's "Giants" frustrated more than impressed. Honestly? Under the autotuned vocals and deliberate pastiches there is "something" interesting going on. But currently Chicane falls far short of the sum of its parts. So, by default, the best album I heard in the last year was Carbon Based Lifeform's "Interloper", who thanks to being Swedish, and being straddled with the worst name for a band since "Porcupine Tree", seem doomed to inhabit the unknown side of obscurity. Which is a pity as this album is darn good. As for the rest? Single, Movie, TV show, Day Of The Week? It hardly matters, beyond saying the good stuff was significantly outnumbered by the bad. 

I was going to post something about the new UK Comic "Clint". But having read it, I find I can't be arsed wasting more than these two sentences on something so piss poor**.  

Much has been written in the last couple of weeks about the decline (demise?) of HMV, mostly from a perspective harking back to some misty-eyed neverland when HMV was "better". Needless to say the reasons for HMV's decline have been squarely blamed on "internet piracy" and downloads, although some have noted that HMV's response to these challenges has left a moribund retailer with no clear identity and less idea of the niche it is supposed to fill. Of course, I'd argue that HMV are largely to blame for their own predicament, having utterly failed to realise how things have changed, People still want to buy music. But HMV just don't seem to be able comprehend this, preferring to devote space to products their competitors sell, usually more cheaply and in environments more conducive for the consumer to make a purchase. Case in point? I was fielding questions from woman about a Philips blu-ray player in my local HMV a couple of weeks before Christmas. So why did I assist? Simple. The poor guy who'd been approached by the customer had no idea about the product, what it did or why it was cheaper than one and more expensive than another. So rather than watch him flounder I helped. All those years spent in electrical retailing finally coming to someone's rescue. Now normally something like this would irk me. But in this instance I thought it just summed up HMV. They have products for sale, which unlike CD's or games actually need to be "sold" rather than simply be selected by the customer. And it's certainly not, in this instance, the employees fault that they don't know anything about a (seemingly at least) randomly selected consumer durable, or it's benefits beyond how much it costs. And that's the point. Why would they? Now if this had happened in a Currys I'd be howling in derision. But it's not Currys. It's HMV who, I'm forced to conclude, don't realise that people need to be guided as to why one consumer durable is better than another one, nor that during the decision making process the customer might just ask a member of staff for advice. While I can't judge whether this is typical or not, even this possibly isolated incident demonstrates the problems a retailer faces when they sell products outside their core range, and it strikes me even if this is atypical then they still haven't thought this expansion into selling other products through very well. If you can't sell a £99 Blu-ray player with a free copy of "The Expendables" without a third party helping what chance do they have selling those £270 headphones they stock? But I digress. 

Nor do HMV understand that their lead pricing promotion of 2 CDs for £10 harks back to a time when they only had to compete against other High street retailers, not the internet. The news they will start closing branches isn't very surprising, coming on the heels of last Summers change of ordering system which resulted (so I'm told) in a purge of stock. I suspect though, having had personal experienced an organisation attempting to survive by branch closures, that the actual savings they make won't be as much as they anticipate. Of course you can close a shop but, for example, if it is on a long term lease you'll still pay rent on the premises - empty or otherwise. Then there is the "actual" logistics of closing branches. Stock has to be moved, bills transferred (and the rest) before you even get to the inevitable cost of redundancies. Long term contracts with suppliers and the associated early termination fees can result in a situation where it makes just as much sense just to keep a place open***, but that rarely happens once the commitment to closure has been made. I suppose I'm missing the point. Closing branches does at least give the impression of doing something, even if in the short term it makes little difference to an organisations' bottom line. 

HMV's decline comes at the same time as an interesting development in Belfast. The arrival of a new CD retailer - a company called "Head". And, quite incredibly, they actually sell CDs. And not just chart stuff. They even pass the "Neu!" test, having the first two "Neu!" albums for sale at prices not a kick in the balls away from those on the net. Needless to say, even in my current skint state, my CD buying habit has kicked back in. (To give you an idea - I bought Oasis "Definitely Maybe", ABC's "The Lexicon Of Love" and REM's "Out Of Time" for a fiver. That's not a fiver each. That's three CD's for a fiver. That's what I thought as well). The fact is "Head" feels like a CD shop. Yeah they sell DVDs, but they also have a Vinyl section which makes me want to sort my old Rega Planar out once and for all. Honestly? It's well worth a visit. 

*Yeah my muse has returned. Along with my inability to string two coherent sentences together. I've lost count of the number of revisions I've made to this since I posted it earlier today. Even now I'm not happy with it, but I'm tired of trying to batter the English language into submission, so it will just have to do.  

**Just in passing it's nearly a year now since I stopped, after 33 years, buying 2000AD. A quick browse of the last issue doesn't make me any more inclined to start picking it up again, as it features amongst its stories, one stiffly drawn, illogical thing about a war between angels and demons, which was the very story which made me realise I was just buying 2000AD out of habit, rather than for enjoyment. Last year this story had one of the protagonists use a mobile phone in Hell. Now just get your head around that image for a moment. So how would that work? Presumably it means there is an entire mobile infrastructure in Hell, no doubt complete with call centres whose job is to sell demons upgrade handsets or contracts whilst at the same time deal with the usual customer service issues you'd associate with such a provision. You know crap reception, stolen phones and handsets dropped into fiery pits.. And surely it then follows that there would be Mobile phone shops as well. I mean where else would demons get their mobile phones from? Unless they send away for one via a small ad in the back of The Sun. If this was the case then Hell would need a postal service, or at least couriers for it to work. And then there is the more practical problem of how a mobile phone network would actually work in Hell. Would demons complain if someone built a mobile mast beside one of the pits of eternal damnation because it "spoilt the view"? Unless of course the mobile network works by Magick (which always has to be spelt with an extra "k" at the end when "evil's afoot"). But if that was the case why do they need handsets? With a dial for entering telephone numbers? It's utter nonsense. I mean can you imagine a "Carphone Warehouse" in Hell? I picture something just like the one in the Abbey Centre, albeit missing the overpowering smell of brimstone and employing slightly fewer damned souls. 

***Which is a tale in itself. Actually it's an entire book. Just to give you some indication of how bad things had gone a year or so before the end, there were multiple transactions being processed through where it would have been more profitable simply to hand the customer £20 out of the till before asking them to leave the shop. Of course transactions like this were automatically flagged up thanks to a clever bit of mucking about with Business Objects. I got a nice little email which I would investigate. By this point though the people you'd expect to be interested had long since passed caring. The company was haemorrhaging money so violently it had lost all sense of perspective. Two months after I'd left, the company, with 70 odd years worth of history, collapsed. No-one was surprised. 

Lost. One muse. Used rarely. Answers to Angry Since 1967. Please return if found.

You'd think, following the news HMV is staring into the abyss, I'd be able to bang out a quick 1000 word missive claiming "I told you so", while at the same time questioning the likely effectiveness of their "cure or kill" strategy to close branches and generally howling at how it was their short sighted insistence on blaming their decline on "internet piracy" rather than addressing HMV's own failings which led to this moment. But it doesn't. And how, after feck only knows how many attempts, I am precisely no closer to producing something coherent (that's Angry Since 1967 "coherent" which, as regular readers will know, is a much more malleable beast than real coherence) than I was the day the news broke. 

Exactly.

Welcome To Fear. Part IV

Death by Eggs