Recent Customer Service Failings on Angry Since 1967

Following recent revelations “Angry Since 1967” would like to assure its reader that Customer Service is something we only pay lip service when we have to. Further we will use a predictable excuse if our piss awful service is revealed on a TV consumer programme. To this end we’d like to assure our user the recent isolated problems which some people may have experienced are entirely due to the previous owners of this site, the staff have been retrained, the software glitch has been resolved, best practice guidelines have been issued, our supplier contracts have been renegotiated, and the people involved have been disciplined. We also acknowledge our culpability by admitting that a dog ate our corporate homeworks.

We treat all customer service complaints raised via TV consumer programmes entirely on the merits of how many people might watch the show. So if you are from a show on BBC1 shown on a weekday morning you might as well paint your arse purple and wave it at the passing traffic for all the good it will do. Alternatively if you appear at peak time on a minority channel, and have gone to the trouble of having a hidden camera secreted about your person and disguising yourself with a long wig so you can experience the shocking truth at first hand, we will still ignore your whinging.  At this point we'd recommend organising a march with placards to our Head Office. Here you will be refused admission, allowing for the entirely predictable shot of the presenter tutting about how no-one in the company seems interested in the not really very “shocking” issue they’ve uncovered. Thus allowing the presenter to achieve their ultimate goal – a career enhancing apotheosis to a “Consumer Champion”. If, to seal the deal, you require a picture of you being escorted from the premises by a security guard, let us know in advance and we can have a suitable individual in attendance to assist you in getting the required shot.  

While the public statements we make, when issues such as these come to light, will continue to have the veneer of contrition, you can be confident that however sincere they appear, we will continue to engage in these activities. Of course these practices will be subtly adjusted and redefined, but they will remain our policy until the next prune faced busy body sticks their interfering nose in, mistakenly believing they, unlike the preceding line of presenters who tried and failed, will be the person who stamps out these long established sharp practices once and for all. 

Statement Ends.