"Editor-At-Large" - Facebook, Twitter and Amazon. Why you MUST disengage

In another of their occasional columns, our resident "Editor-At-Large" looks at the threats Facebook, Twitter and Amazon pose.

You shouldn't use Facebook as it undermines democracy, spreads fake news and is destroying the fundamental tenets of paid for media. Nor should you engage with the poisonous cesspit which is Twitter. As for Amazon? Nothing but a bunch of contemptible, tax dodging fuckers who are strangling the life out of everything they compete with.

Except our Website is embedded with "share on Facebook" tabs. And you can log onto comment using your Facebook ID which means we're using Facebook to track you. And, of course, we want you to like and follow our Facebook pages.

Twitter? We've embedded links to it as well. And I'm on it, tweeting day and daily. As our most of our contributors and columnists. Our Twitter feed is one of the most popular in the UK.

Amazon? We use their Cloud hosting service for our website. And our business reporting? All via Amazon. And we'll happily talk up Amazon Prime shows. My new book is also available to buy either as a hardback, on Audible or as a Kindle download via the Amazon website. We've also introduced an Alexa option. 

"Er, doesn't it then make it a bit hypocritical for you to advise others to disengage from Facebook, Twitter, or Amazon when you won't do the same?" they ask. "No" we reply "it's different, so it's okay for us to embrace these organisations, but not you. Why? Because you're blind about what they are doing, and we aren't. And, no, that doesn't make us willing participants. Now if you'd just kindly fuck off with your unfounded accusations. Don't bother us about this again as I don't want to have to block you on Facebook or Twitter. Do I make myself absolutely crystal clear?"

AS1967 First blog to deploy "Dolby Atmos" Silence®

AS1967 has announced it will be the first blog to implement Dolby Atmos Silence®. Atmos, which is a method of reproducing the audio experience usually restricted to a well equipped cinema, has become the defacto standard for delivering high resolution, multi-speaker, surround sound. AS1967, a blog noted for it's willingness to embrace leading edge technology - for example pioneering delivery by drone, and testing new posts at the famous Nurburgring racing circuit, was keen to extol the benefits this would accrue. "We all agree that silence is golden, so what better way is there to deliver "golden silence" than to deploy this newly developed version of Atmos? We believe the speaker-free version of  Atmos, using a configuration we've called "Silence®", represents a paradigm shift not only for the blogosphere but across the entire entertainment and consumer electronics industry"

They continued "We're taking the existing Atmos technology to the next level. Although Atmos best delivers it's object based 360 degree sound field using appropriately mounted external speakers, the proliferation of Atmos branded soundbars, mobile phones and Televisions which don't have these has led us to taking the next logical step. A completely "speaker free" version. All the benefits of Atmos with none of the hassle of speakers, configuration and expensive wear and tear on the users ears. And while won't make any difference to how the blog is delivered, produced or what it contains, when end users see the Atmos logo they'll know they are getting the highest quality silence current technology allows"

Questioned about what results end users can expect from Silence®, AS1967 said "er.. Silence?"

Asked if this was misleading, AS1967 declared. "We promise silence and we deliver silence. We believe you'd be better asking sound bar or mobile phone manufacturers who release Atmos branded products despite these not meeting the technology's basic speaker requirements how this impacts performance? Or the exact nature of the "electronic witchcraft" they use to supposedly compensate for their absence? I'm puzzled why we alone are being asked to justify our non-speaker option. Our solution is neater and, as it doesn't require any additional, well, "anything", apart from a sticker with a logo on it. And it ticks all the ease of use options as well. The benefits it offers are clear. Especially in an industry where convenience is king - an objective which must be pursued no matter how much it dilutes and compromises the original performance goals. Even to the point, as in these instances, that they become so devalued to be rendered utterly irrelevant. So our speaker free Silence® option should be welcomed."

Asked who this was aimed at "morons who think that just having the same branding on a product means they'll get identical sound as in the Cinema. When, and in fact, the only similarity is the branding.... er is this microphone on?

All gave some. Some gave all

New "Scrabble" App too sparkly

COVID 19 will finally prove how bad vinyl really is. And here's why.

Restate an opinion you've stated before. Add "COVID 19" or "Coronavirus" somewhere in the headline. Claim the new circumstance proves your point without providing a single shred of evidence to support why. Instead just repeat what you've said before. Then repeat. And repeat. And repeat. 

And job's "a good 'un".

This current crisis changes everything. And here's why.

Things which we previously thought could happen, may not now happen, but they might still happen. On the other hand, things which we previously thought couldn't happen, could happen, but they may still not happen. It is absolutely certain though, that uncertainty will continue. Except for being certain about continued uncertainty, although again this may change. 

Photographer takes "photographs" during lockdown

All gave some. Some gave all

Something something something

Something coronavirus something. Why aren't we doing it like those ones over there? I'd do it better, and this proves why. And that's under threat and this will change everything and here's why. And I'm not a scientist, but I'll advance a scientific theory based on no science at all. Politics. Politics. Politics. Displacement activity. Why displacement activities are good. Why they are bad. Why everything will stay the same. Why it won't. Why it will. Something COVID19 something. They're doing it wrong. No they aren't. Yes, they are. Politics. Witless cartoons. Another condemnation of a displacement activity. Look, this displacement activity is okay. Look they aren't doing it right again. Now they are. Now they aren't. Something viral. Something Coronavirus something something. Nostalgia. Why aren't we be singled out for special treatment? Why are they being singled out for special treatment? Existing views confirmed by current circumstance. And repeat something coronavirus something. 

"Editor-At-Large" - How to make editorial decisions at a time of crisis.

In another of their occasional columns, a resident "Editor-At-Large" looks at how they take editorial decisions at times of crisis.

It's very simple. We'll hold several divergent and mutually exclusive editorial stances. One which is sceptical or negative towards the prevailing view, one which is neutral and one which is supportive of the prevailing view. Not that I believe any of them. I genuinely don't give a shit. I'm just covering my arse. I'll do anything to avoid being cast as "wrong". I am right. And I am always right. Which, when the dust settles, is all that fucking matters to me. So I will simultaneously reject and embrace these contradictory opinions only casting them aside when they can't be retrofitted into the extant narrative which appears long after the event passes. 

And I'll peddle conflicting messages - downplaying the seriousness as if it's something which can be dealt with by binge watching NETFLIX and in the next breath I'll condemn those who think binge watching NETFLIX is an appropriate response. I'll howl about food inequality, then recommend 10 places who'll deliver artisan organic quinoa. 

And if any one challenges me? Well that's editorial freedom, isn't it bucko? And if you don't like it? You can fucking do one.

And I can't lose. And you swallow it whole. Utter fucking idiots that you are. 

So here's my lockdown playlist which I am simultaneously aroused and disgusted by the fact that you'll listen to it, you witless morons. 

Angry Since 1967 "Editor-at-Large's" Wry Look at Life.

In the first of their occasional columns, Angry Since 1967s resident "Editor-At-Large" takes a wry but affectionate look at modern life.

What this COVID-19 outbreak proves, is that all my political prejudices are correct, and if you lot hadn't strayed from the path of righteousness that I'd advised, we wouldn't be in this fucking mess. Just like I said about Brexit. Just like I said about Climate change. Just like what l said about using Facebook. And Gentrification (unless it's that little organic tofu place I like). And flying away on holiday (apart from when I go to that little Greek fishing village where I have a house). And Public schools (except the one I went to. Ditto with Oxbridge). And not voting for the right party at the last election. 

I'm sickened by your failure to follow my prohibitions and heed my admonishments. 

You ignorant wankers disgust me.

Angry Since 1967 to build new Film Studios

"Angry Since 1967" is to build and open a new Film Studio. "With the explosion in new Film Studio builds across the UK, we thought "that's a band wagon we NEED to be on". I mean there's no way, I repeat NO WAY, all these new studios will lead to a glut of production space, which won't be used because there's a crash in the streaming video service market. There is zero, repeat ZERO chance that the current explosion in streaming services is ever going to end. Frankly, we're going to make a killing"

Asked about the practicalities of opening a studio AS1967 said "I've got a big garage and paint - we're already to go right now!"

Angry Since 1967 to appoint "Editor-at-Large"

Angry Since 1967 has appointed an "Editor-At-Large". This meaningless title, usually given to those who either can't take the hint and leave of their own accord, or those who've have been too cute to fall for the traps laid which would result in their immediate dismissal, means they've cleared their desk and handed over their security pass in the expectation they'll never darken our doors again.

Hopes are high that, beyond a couple of whimsical pieces with an "Editor-At-Large" byline and a smirking profile photograph, this sorry notion will be quietly forgotten in a month or so.

"And good riddance" remarked one well place source on this news. "They can call it an "appointment" all they like. We've barely stopped laughing at the utterly humiliating "honour" this worthless epithet bestows on the recipient. They're out on their ears and that's all that matters, the mediocre shitehawk".

New Twenty Pound note design or material or something related to it, no matter how vaguely, "condemned"

The new polymer-based £20 note was condemned today. The note, featuring a design, was attacked for some reason or another. These vitriolic outbursts are expected to continue for the next day or so, peaking at the weekend, possibly rumbling on until the middle of next week until something else attracts the seething rage of newspaper columnists. 

Satire Faces Brexit "Crisis"

The impact of Brexit on satire has been "grossly understated" claims an insider.

Sources close to the Government say that the impact on satire has figured prominently in the preparations for leaving the EU on the 31st January. Responding to fears of a shortage ministers say they have been in "significant" contact with several of the UK's major players. "For reasons of confidentiality we can't reveal who we've been speaking to, but we have contingency plans to fill any shortfalls which may occur. Fortunately as we don't import much satire from the EU, but we've secured replacement US sources. So people probably won't see any difference. Or get the jokes. Or understand the references."

Asked if there was a likelihood rationing could be introduced, the Government claimed "While we've sequestered a team of top quality satirists to fill any potential gaps, we believe that there is enough satire stockpiled in secure locations around the UK for the public to be able to crack a wry grin at least once a day for the foreseeable future."

Dismissing the Government’s plans as "witless", industry insiders are preparing for the worst. "Typically the Government is preparing for the wrong thing. It's not that there's a shortage, but rather than there's no room for satire any more" claimed one. "As we lurch from one outlandish crisis to another, each one more gobsmackingly bizarre than the last, the space for satire has been squeezed. Frankly, no matter how patently ridiculous we make things, reality is always at least 4 steps ahead of satire. Now if you don't mind I'm trying to write something poking fun at satire and I've a deadline and I don't want to stick something out which is at best half-arsed, or worse "shit"."

New AS1967 You Tube Channel LAUNCHED!!

The as yet untitled channel will feature videos showing reactions to the reactions of people reacting to people reacting to reaction videos. "This proves we're already ahead of the curve again" reacted an Angry Since 1967 Spokesreactor. "Our research shows that in the next month or two, 97% of all new videos posted onto You Tube will be reaction videos. So this is our reaction." 

When pressed further they added "we're planning the next phase of this infinite regression by launching a further channel exclusively dedicated to videos showing the reactions of people reacting to our reaction videos showing the reactions of people reacting to people watching reaction videos."