"Something new and / or currently popular" causes health risks claimed a Doctor. Writing somewhere they said "something new and / or currently popular" can have a detrimental effect on the health of those participating, using, looking at, thinking about or wearing this thing that is new and / or currently popular. Symptoms include amongst others general malaise, hyper activity, loss of appetite, hunger pangs, dandruff, baldness, loss of vision, tennis elbow and fallen arches"
The Doctor also claimed "something new and / or currently popular" has had proven history of being risky to health "everything from ra-ra skirts, Rubic's cube, the Walkman, platform heeled shoes, skateboarding, riding a BMX, travelling on trains going faster than 15 miles an hour, television, diddly boppers, Heely's, the internet, trainers and indoor toilets have contributed to the current state of the general public's health. Although this "new" new and / or currently popular thing was particularly dangerous." They added "the risks are clear, people should do everything to lessen them. Take frequent breaks and drink plenty of water. Alternatively people could simply not engage in, wear, look at, or use this "new and / or currently popular thing" until it's been superseded by the next new and / or currently popular thing. At this point all symptoms will vanish"
Although stopping short of demanding a ban on "something new and / or currently popular", the Doctor stated that as long as "new" "something new and / or currently popular" things continued to arise then health professionals would point out the risks as quickly as possible, conveniently blaming them for all humanities ills and, more importantly, providing an opportunity for getting their ugly bakes on daytime TV or, better still, being quoted as an authority on the topic in the lifestyle sections of the Daily Mail.
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