Our Survey Says....Exactly What We Wanted (14)

You know the form...

Company flogging (supposedly at least) harder to defraud pre-paid credit card for online purchases, claims online fraud now major concern

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/6293907.stm

Britons fear being ripped-off online more than gun crime, climate change or even contracting MRSA in hospital, a survey has suggested.
Online fraud worries four out of 10 Britons, according to a survey from 3V, an electronic payments company.

Interesting. Of course this service 3v offers comes at a price. £3.50. Now I know this doesn't sound like much, however you're charged this everytime you top the card up and it's the same amount regardless of how much you top the card up by. If it's the tenner minimum or the maximum amount of £200 it's still £3.50. This means that spending a £10 is going to cost £13.50.

Worse if you have a balance on the card which you'd like converted back to cash they'll charge you £1.75 for the privilege. If you don't use the full balance on the card by it's expiry date, they'll charge you an "account management fee" of £1 per month, every month until either you cash it in or it reaches a balance of £1.75, which they'll take as a "final redemption charge".

I think I'll take my chances. At least with online fraud you don't normally know your being ripped off in advance....

The Gospel According to Saint Jobs

Apple have launched a mobile phone, it has a built in camera. It plays mp3s. It doubles as a PDA. You can surf the internet with it. It runs a version of an operating system, usually only found on desktop computers. Steve Jobs claim that is a "magical new device" which will "revolutionise the industry". Which will come to a shock to the companies already producing virtually indentical products.

But it doesn't matter. This is an Apple product, meaning critical facilties are suspended, awe struck amazement being the only acceptable response.

However it's worth reflecting on the responses this annoucement would have generated if
Panasonic had released the exact same product. People would ask (quite rightly) "what?"

But this is simply symptomatic of a more depressing trend. People evanglising faceless multi-national corporations and the consumer durables they produce. This isn't unique to Apple. There are Playstation devotees, and Xbox disciples, and the rest, versed in the gospels espoused in the latest ad campaign. All happy to shout the doctrine of "mine's better than yours because..." It's religion but without comforting lies of salvation and eternal life. Although I've no doubt a company somewhere is already working on electronic version of eternal life (Life V1.2) and building iHeaven.

It's like VHS vs Betamax

It only took a day. About half way down the page you'll notice the following gem

Analysts have warned that the format war, which has been likened to the Betamax-VHS videotape fight in the 1980s, could cause confusion amongst consumers and impact on sales of both technologies.

Predictable isn't the word. Can't they think of a different comparison? It's like Sky versus BSB, it's like 8 Track versus Compact Cassette, it's like the Playstation against the Saturn, it's like the Mac against PCs, it's like Dyson versus Hoover. And, as I've mentioned before, the consumer doesn't seem to be confused by the myriad of competing incompatible video games systems.

Of course there is a much more direct comparison, something the analysts fail to acknowledge. DVD recorders. If their view is to be believed, the consumer can't cope with more than one video format, therefore DVD recorders which are available in any number of incompatible versions should have failed, due to public bewilderment. But it didn't happen. VHS is now all but extinct. And it's not like the public are particularly clued up about consumer electronics. It wouldn't have been the first time someone asked me for a JCB video, or claimed they had a Mississippi TV, or wanted a demo of a Dudley Didical amp, or wondered how much a George Formby Health grill cost, or had difficulty with the notion Scotch videotapes were in fact blank.

Which demonstrates one key thing. The public know what they want, analysts only think they know what the public want.

The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Angry Since 1967, Which

will turn out to be a load of old cobblers...

Microsoft Vista will be released. Almost immediately, some company or newsgroup, will announce they've managed to find a security flaw. This will come on top of the news that some hardware / software won't work with it. Expect gasping reports on the BBC equating this to the end of civilisation as we know it, and people on Linux / Apple boards having their first orgasms in delight at this news. Meanwhile Vista goes onto be a huge success.

When the PS3 is released expect the Edge to run spoiler stories possibly with guesstimated pictures of the Xbox 3. (Gawd I hate Edge, they are like that bloody kid at school who would come out with things like "I've seen Indiana Jones 4 and it's brilliant" despite the fact it doesn't (yet) exist.) Also expect the Xbox 360's price to drop, to general indifference. Nevertheless the PS3 will be massively successful, and parents can expect long queues in late November trying to get little Timmy his new Playstation in time for Christmas.

At some point in the year a singer / band with their best years long behind them will release a new album. Expect the words "a stunning return to form" to appear in at least 40% of the reviews (this despite the fact these same reviewers told us the previous release was a "stunning return to form")

Surveys will continue to be produced, proving exactly what they intended.

Any mention of "Blu-ray" and "HD-DVD" will be prefixed with the term "VHS Vs Betamax"

DFS sofas will be available at 50% off, with 3 years interest free credit and nothing to pay in the first year (but only if you are quick, as the sale MUST end at 9:00 PM on Sunday 4th January 2099)