"Editor-At-Large" - Why "Spotify" diminishes music and impoverishes Artists.

In another of their occasional columns, our resident "Editor-At-Large" takes a sideways look at "Spotify"

Spotify. 

What a shower of bastards.

To go a bit biblical "they sow not, neither do they reap". 

Not that I care at all.

 

Yeah, Artists are being screwed, and yeah, we've published a lot of op-eds this year whining about the inequity of it, but, really, who cares? They might see me as an ally, but I don't give a flying fuck. I'm only interested in my Newspaper, or rather, clicks on my Newspaper's website. And if their impotent whinging generates clicks, then I'll publish it. "Social media engagement" is all that matters and I don't give a horse's cock where it comes from. 

So, I'll simultaneously print pathetic, indignant, gurning from an artist who has made 73p in royalty payments from Spotify for a song which has been streamed 4 million times, and then feature articles where one of those fuck-muppet music critics we're obligated to employ, list the best 10 tracks from whichever year it is, complete with a Spotify playlist for you to listen to. 

The piddly royalty payment the playlist generates, easily sates my conscience. Why? Because I'm not mug enough to pay then for their articles. . 

Online Product Support Forums.

"I've a problem with my product. It doesn't seem to work as the instructions suggest, what should I do?"

"Why are you still using that? They're shite. I use something else, which is much better."

"Buy something different. I bought one and haven't looked back"

"It's supposed to do that"

"I moved to Linux, and I don't have any problems"

"Looks like your ascendant star sign was in Capricorn while Mars was in retrograde. That's your problem right there."

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

"They are shite"

"No, they aren't"

"Yes, they are"

"Respectfully, they aren't"

"Respectfully, they are"

"NO, THEY AREN'T'"

"YES, THEY ARE"

"NO. THEY. FUCKING. AREN'T"

"YES. THEY. FUCKING. ARE"

"YOU'RE A BALLBEG!!"

"Comment Deleted"

"Can we stick to the topic please?"

"The manual says that you can do a hard reset, try that. You can also update the firmware, by downloading it from the manufacturer website"

"Something else is much better"

"I do something completely irrelevant"

"Buy a turntable, use Vinyls"

"Who did you call a ballbeg?"

"I know there's been no updates to this topic in 3 years, but did anyone get a solution?"

"You, you fucking ballbeg"

And we're back. Well, kind of

Nothing worse than a blog which hasn't been updated for a couple of years (Okay there are; people watching TV with the screen set to the wrong aspect ratio, referring to a Dyson vacuum cleaner as a "Hoover" and brand names featuring randomly scattered umlauts), so think of this as a slow, perhaps half-hearted, return. I'll see how it goes. 

Sight Unseen - No Time To Die Reviewed

Although the box office success of "Skyfall Spectre" was roundly welcomed, there was a lingering sense that the film itself didn't quite live up to the usual standards of the Bond franchise. Lazy plotting and a nonsensical final third left many with a faint sense of disappointment. Well the good news is that "Spectre" "No Time To Die" is a stunning return to form, with all the gadgets, car chases, beautiful girls and stunts restored to their rightful places. Although the story, a somewhat convoluted mismatch of contrivances, coincidences and explosions, doesn't quite reach the peaks of "Live and Let Die", it doesn't plumb the depths of "Goldeneye".

There is much for the Bond aficionado to enjoy, with some subtle nods to the past, and enough energy to entertain even more casual fans. Daniel Craig delivers a steely performance, displaying yet again why he best epitomises the "thug in a handmade suit" which Ian Fleming's archetype demands. There is also much to admire in the performances of the supporting cast. Christoph Waltz Rami Malek plays a more restrained, modern villain than the clichéd Bond baddie, more likely to browse his phone than to evilly stroke a cat. But he still harbours crazed global ambitions. Ralph Fiennes Ralph Fiennes does what he can with the material but, as his character is so lightly sketched, there's not a lot for him to work with. Which is unfortunate, given the pivotal nature of the role.

Of course, all the usual Bond boxes are ticked, Q's gadgets, glaring product placement, and a theme song performed by the first singer* who happened into view****

And the verdict? This is a Bond film whose reputation will decline between its initial release and the release of the next Bond film which will, in turn, be hailed as a "stunning return to form" after the disappointment of "Skyfall Spectre*".

Rating ****  

*Although it might be Underworld who do it. This would be a "good thing".***

**This is a retread of an old post on Angry Since 1967 I wrote before "Spectre" was released. Rather than create something new, I just put a few lines through the bits which no longer apply. Other than that, it has 98% the same content as the last one. Just like a "James Bond" film.   

***Now that Danny Boyle has realised he'd be peddling a crock of shit, he's jacked it in. Underworld won't be doing the music

**** As predicted

How post modernism in neo-liberalism defines our sophism.

 Buy a big fucking car, or eat cake; By the time it matters, you'll be dead.

AS 1967 returns in a "stunning return" to form.

It's a return. And it's stunning. The form, is, well, there....

"Editor-At-Large" - Facebook, Twitter and Amazon. Why you MUST disengage

In another of their occasional columns, our resident "Editor-At-Large" looks at the threats Facebook, Twitter and Amazon pose.

You shouldn't use Facebook as it undermines democracy, spreads fake news and is destroying the fundamental tenets of paid for media. Nor should you engage with the poisonous cesspit which is Twitter. As for Amazon? Nothing but a bunch of contemptible, tax dodging fuckers who are strangling the life out of everything they compete with.

Except our Website is embedded with "share on Facebook" tabs. And you can log onto comment using your Facebook ID which means we're using Facebook to track you. And, of course, we want you to like and follow our Facebook pages.

Twitter? We've embedded links to it as well. And I'm on it, tweeting day and daily. As our most of our contributors and columnists. Our Twitter feed is one of the most popular in the UK.

Amazon? We use their Cloud hosting service for our website. And our business reporting? All via Amazon. And we'll happily talk up Amazon Prime shows. My new book is also available to buy either as a hardback, on Audible or as a Kindle download via the Amazon website. We've also introduced an Alexa option. 

"Er, doesn't it then make it a bit hypocritical for you to advise others to disengage from Facebook, Twitter, or Amazon when you won't do the same?" they ask. "No" we reply "it's different, so it's okay for us to embrace these organisations, but not you. Why? Because you're blind about what they are doing, and we aren't. And, no, that doesn't make us willing participants. Now if you'd just kindly fuck off with your unfounded accusations. Don't bother us about this again as I don't want to have to block you on Facebook or Twitter. Do I make myself absolutely crystal clear?"

AS1967 First blog to deploy "Dolby Atmos" Silence®

AS1967 has announced it will be the first blog to implement Dolby Atmos Silence®. Atmos, which is a method of reproducing the audio experience usually restricted to a well equipped cinema, has become the defacto standard for delivering high resolution, multi-speaker, surround sound. AS1967, a blog noted for it's willingness to embrace leading edge technology - for example pioneering delivery by drone, and testing new posts at the famous Nurburgring racing circuit, was keen to extol the benefits this would accrue. "We all agree that silence is golden, so what better way is there to deliver "golden silence" than to deploy this newly developed version of Atmos? We believe the speaker-free version of  Atmos, using a configuration we've called "Silence®", represents a paradigm shift not only for the blogosphere but across the entire entertainment and consumer electronics industry"

They continued "We're taking the existing Atmos technology to the next level. Although Atmos best delivers it's object based 360 degree sound field using appropriately mounted external speakers, the proliferation of Atmos branded soundbars, mobile phones and Televisions which don't have these has led us to taking the next logical step. A completely "speaker free" version. All the benefits of Atmos with none of the hassle of speakers, configuration and expensive wear and tear on the users ears. And while won't make any difference to how the blog is delivered, produced or what it contains, when end users see the Atmos logo they'll know they are getting the highest quality silence current technology allows"

Questioned about what results end users can expect from Silence®, AS1967 said "er.. Silence?"

Asked if this was misleading, AS1967 declared. "We promise silence and we deliver silence. We believe you'd be better asking sound bar or mobile phone manufacturers who release Atmos branded products despite these not meeting the technology's basic speaker requirements how this impacts performance? Or the exact nature of the "electronic witchcraft" they use to supposedly compensate for their absence? I'm puzzled why we alone are being asked to justify our non-speaker option. Our solution is neater and, as it doesn't require any additional, well, "anything", apart from a sticker with a logo on it. And it ticks all the ease of use options as well. The benefits it offers are clear. Especially in an industry where convenience is king - an objective which must be pursued no matter how much it dilutes and compromises the original performance goals. Even to the point, as in these instances, that they become so devalued to be rendered utterly irrelevant. So our speaker free Silence® option should be welcomed."

Asked who this was aimed at "morons who think that just having the same branding on a product means they'll get identical sound as in the Cinema. When, and in fact, the only similarity is the branding.... er is this microphone on?

All gave some. Some gave all

New "Scrabble" App too sparkly

COVID 19 will finally prove how bad vinyl really is. And here's why.

Restate an opinion you've stated before. Add "COVID 19" or "Coronavirus" somewhere in the headline. Claim the new circumstance proves your point without providing a single shred of evidence to support why. Instead just repeat what you've said before. Then repeat. And repeat. And repeat. 

And job's "a good 'un".

This current crisis changes everything. And here's why.

Things which we previously thought could happen, may not now happen, but they might still happen. On the other hand, things which we previously thought couldn't happen, could happen, but they may still not happen. It is absolutely certain though, that uncertainty will continue. Except for being certain about continued uncertainty, although again this may change. 

Photographer takes "photographs" during lockdown

All gave some. Some gave all

Something something something

Something coronavirus something. Why aren't we doing it like those ones over there? I'd do it better, and this proves why. And that's under threat and this will change everything and here's why. And I'm not a scientist, but I'll advance a scientific theory based on no science at all. Politics. Politics. Politics. Displacement activity. Why displacement activities are good. Why they are bad. Why everything will stay the same. Why it won't. Why it will. Something COVID19 something. They're doing it wrong. No they aren't. Yes, they are. Politics. Witless cartoons. Another condemnation of a displacement activity. Look, this displacement activity is okay. Look they aren't doing it right again. Now they are. Now they aren't. Something viral. Something Coronavirus something something. Nostalgia. Why aren't we be singled out for special treatment? Why are they being singled out for special treatment? Existing views confirmed by current circumstance. And repeat something coronavirus something. 

"Editor-At-Large" - How to make editorial decisions at a time of crisis.

In another of their occasional columns, a resident "Editor-At-Large" looks at how they take editorial decisions at times of crisis.

It's very simple. We'll hold several divergent and mutually exclusive editorial stances. One which is sceptical or negative towards the prevailing view, one which is neutral and one which is supportive of the prevailing view. Not that I believe any of them. I genuinely don't give a shit. I'm just covering my arse. I'll do anything to avoid being cast as "wrong". I am right. And I am always right. Which, when the dust settles, is all that fucking matters to me. So I will simultaneously reject and embrace these contradictory opinions only casting them aside when they can't be retrofitted into the extant narrative which appears long after the event passes. 

And I'll peddle conflicting messages - downplaying the seriousness as if it's something which can be dealt with by binge watching NETFLIX and in the next breath I'll condemn those who think binge watching NETFLIX is an appropriate response. I'll howl about food inequality, then recommend 10 places who'll deliver artisan organic quinoa. 

And if any one challenges me? Well that's editorial freedom, isn't it bucko? And if you don't like it? You can fucking do one.

And I can't lose. And you swallow it whole. Utter fucking idiots that you are. 

So here's my lockdown playlist which I am simultaneously aroused and disgusted by the fact that you'll listen to it, you witless morons. 

Angry Since 1967 "Editor-at-Large's" Wry Look at Life.

In the first of their occasional columns, Angry Since 1967s resident "Editor-At-Large" takes a wry but affectionate look at modern life.

What this COVID-19 outbreak proves, is that all my political prejudices are correct, and if you lot hadn't strayed from the path of righteousness that I'd advised, we wouldn't be in this fucking mess. Just like I said about Brexit. Just like I said about Climate change. Just like what l said about using Facebook. And Gentrification (unless it's that little organic tofu place I like). And flying away on holiday (apart from when I go to that little Greek fishing village where I have a house). And Public schools (except the one I went to. Ditto with Oxbridge). And not voting for the right party at the last election. 

I'm sickened by your failure to follow my prohibitions and heed my admonishments. 

You ignorant wankers disgust me.

Angry Since 1967 to build new Film Studios

"Angry Since 1967" is to build and open a new Film Studio. "With the explosion in new Film Studio builds across the UK, we thought "that's a band wagon we NEED to be on". I mean there's no way, I repeat NO WAY, all these new studios will lead to a glut of production space, which won't be used because there's a crash in the streaming video service market. There is zero, repeat ZERO chance that the current explosion in streaming services is ever going to end. Frankly, we're going to make a killing"

Asked about the practicalities of opening a studio AS1967 said "I've got a big garage and paint - we're already to go right now!"

Angry Since 1967 to appoint "Editor-at-Large"

Angry Since 1967 has appointed an "Editor-At-Large". This meaningless title, usually given to those who either can't take the hint and leave of their own accord, or those who've have been too cute to fall for the traps laid which would result in their immediate dismissal, means they've cleared their desk and handed over their security pass in the expectation they'll never darken our doors again.

Hopes are high that, beyond a couple of whimsical pieces with an "Editor-At-Large" byline and a smirking profile photograph, this sorry notion will be quietly forgotten in a month or so.

"And good riddance" remarked one well place source on this news. "They can call it an "appointment" all they like. We've barely stopped laughing at the utterly humiliating "honour" this worthless epithet bestows on the recipient. They're out on their ears and that's all that matters, the mediocre shitehawk".

New Twenty Pound note design or material or something related to it, no matter how vaguely, "condemned"

The new polymer-based £20 note was condemned today. The note, featuring a design, was attacked for some reason or another. These vitriolic outbursts are expected to continue for the next day or so, peaking at the weekend, possibly rumbling on until the middle of next week until something else attracts the seething rage of newspaper columnists. 

Satire Faces Brexit "Crisis"

The impact of Brexit on satire has been "grossly understated" claims an insider.

Sources close to the Government say that the impact on satire has figured prominently in the preparations for leaving the EU on the 31st January. Responding to fears of a shortage ministers say they have been in "significant" contact with several of the UK's major players. "For reasons of confidentiality we can't reveal who we've been speaking to, but we have contingency plans to fill any shortfalls which may occur. Fortunately as we don't import much satire from the EU, but we've secured replacement US sources. So people probably won't see any difference. Or get the jokes. Or understand the references."

Asked if there was a likelihood rationing could be introduced, the Government claimed "While we've sequestered a team of top quality satirists to fill any potential gaps, we believe that there is enough satire stockpiled in secure locations around the UK for the public to be able to crack a wry grin at least once a day for the foreseeable future."

Dismissing the Government’s plans as "witless", industry insiders are preparing for the worst. "Typically the Government is preparing for the wrong thing. It's not that there's a shortage, but rather than there's no room for satire any more" claimed one. "As we lurch from one outlandish crisis to another, each one more gobsmackingly bizarre than the last, the space for satire has been squeezed. Frankly, no matter how patently ridiculous we make things, reality is always at least 4 steps ahead of satire. Now if you don't mind I'm trying to write something poking fun at satire and I've a deadline and I don't want to stick something out which is at best half-arsed, or worse "shit"."

New AS1967 You Tube Channel LAUNCHED!!

The as yet untitled channel will feature videos showing reactions to the reactions of people reacting to people reacting to reaction videos. "This proves we're already ahead of the curve again" reacted an Angry Since 1967 Spokesreactor. "Our research shows that in the next month or two, 97% of all new videos posted onto You Tube will be reaction videos. So this is our reaction." 

When pressed further they added "we're planning the next phase of this infinite regression by launching a further channel exclusively dedicated to videos showing the reactions of people reacting to our reaction videos showing the reactions of people reacting to people watching reaction videos." 

Eternal Generic MUSIC Festival Line-up REVEALED

New AS1967 Concept car design sketches "teased" at Motor Show

New design language "revealed"

The concept car, which is rumoured to be a hydrogen fuelled, gull winged, four wheel drive, convertible, SUV / MPV / Saloon/ Hatch hybrid, utterly bewildered audiences.

When the proposed figures behind the car were announced, 0 to 62 in 2 seconds,1000 miles between refuelling, and with an anticipated cost of less than £1000, the room was filled with audible gasps.

“We’re planning for the car to be constructed from recycled coffee cup lids, discarded Action Man accessories, and solidified carbon dioxide emissions”. Adding “the car is so environmentally friendly that it scrubs the air clean of pollutants. It’s also entirely biodegradable and can be used as compost. The panels are actually pre-seeded, so that when it decomposes you get a nice patch of flowers growing where the car was left. Our expectation is that it will reverse global warming, feed the hungry and cure the sick."

While AS1967 confirmed this marked a new "eco-kinetic biosynergy" design direction, they remained tight lipped on the speculation the car used a previously thought impossible “perpetual motion” engine.

Discussing the vehicle, lead Designer Won “Tex” Ist said “The sketch is all of the car which will ever "be". It will never get made, referred to, or mentioned again. Ever. Just like all  concept cars” she said vaguely waggling her hand in the direction of the other concept vehicles in the show. “But that’s enough to get page after page of coverage in the motoring magazines. So boom shagga, shagga, shagga, boom shagga, shagga, boom, boom!” before leading a victory conga line into the distance.

"Watch Out...We're Mad!" - Bud Spencer and Terence Hill revealed as 2019 Video Cassette Day Ambassadors

Bud Spencer and Terence Hill have been announced as the 2019 UK ambassadors for Video Cassette Day, which celebrates independent video libraries around the country.

The duo follow a promotional cardboard standee of Charles Bronson in the role.

The stars. who featured in many unrented Guild Home Video films said, "The bar's been set at a new height," Terence tells the world.

"I didn't want it to change me but I think it might have," Bud adds. "It's definitely put a spring in my step."

Bud Spencer and Terence Hill's left-field take on action comedy first hit screens in 1967 after appearing in other things in Italy

This is the action comedy duo's first official outing as Bud Spencer and Terence Hill for more than five years.

Since their last film together Bud Spencer has died.

Despite saying they'd "love to put out" live shows and a video they recorded in New York "at some point", the duo say their Video Cassette Day duties are, for now, a one-off appearance.

It's fair to say they're taking their role seriously though.

Bud and Terence say they're on a mission to get the nation to "slow down and get physical".

Bud remembers his "formative years" discovering films at Xtravision: "It's about chatting to the people behind the desk, the people you bump into in the shop... it's a magical journey, a pilgrimage."

He says that whereas now you "turn on the digital tap and video just comes out", it's not like that with V2000 cassettes."

"You've got to get over this hump of effort with video recorders - it makes you choose differently."

"You're fighting for attention and that's why it's important places like these exist."

Terence says it's nice to go through somebody's Betamax porn collection, too.

"If you were on a date or you'd just met someone, you could have a peak at their collection and think 'Oh, this isn't going to work'."

To celebrate their role as UK ambassadors, it was previously announced that the duo's original films will be available undubbed on VHS for the first time.

They made their débuts in 1967 in "God Forgives... I Don't!" 

"It was on in the afternoon after the sports news... the critics hated our films," Bud says.

Terence adds: "They'd be talking about how Spurs were playing then he'd go, 'Anyway, now we've got... I don't even know what this is'.

"Then our films would come on to a load of angry football fans."

As fans of Bud Spencer and Terence Hill might expect, they've also got a more surreal ambassadorial offering.

"We can come to people's houses and provide a personal service," Terence offers.

"We'll push a Sony C7, complete with a BetaStack, into people's faces and make them smell and feel the chunky 1980s mechanical workaround introduced to get passed the limits of being only able to record for just over 3 hours on a single L750 cassette."

"We might also melt some tapes down and make shoes out of it. There could be some hats and broaches?

"We're here for you, we're here for all of video libraries and shops. Well... all the independent ones in the UK."

Video Cassette Day takes place on 13 April

Angry Since 1967 Announces new Craft Beer range

“We plan to cover all the key market points with our new range of beers” declared AS1967. The brews, "Impossible To Believe, But It's Worse Than Harp Lager", "Worse Than Guinness Stout" and "Fuck Only Knows What This Tastes Worse Than IPA".

AS1967 claimed that while only the “finest” ingredients were used, the team of brewers, head-hunted from notable craft ale producers, brought nothing but "many years of unsuccessful brewing experience, vague notions of cleanliness, underlying yeast infections and simple, blind incompetence”. AS1967 added "these beers won’t be to anyone’s taste” claiming that the unique selling point of the new ales is that they are "utterly disgusting."

“We’re not pretending. These beers are awful. Honestly? Rat wee fermented in a mouldy barrel previously used as a septic tank tastes better”. Responding to criticism this was a “gimmick” AS1967 denied this, claiming “producing undrinkable piss water, liberally fortified with concentrated grapefruit juice and giving it a quirky name in the hope no-one notices how bad it tastes is a “gimmick”. We’re not doing this. Our beer is proudly and resolutely, crap. And we make no attempt to hide behind multicoloured tins, promises of triple hopped flavours, being a “cooperative”, claims of artisan brewing or the possession of lumberjack shirts and beards. Our beers are vile. Our IPA has, for example, been described as having a hoppy character with Brillo pad wrapped in a soiled nappy undertones. We couldn't be happier."

And the industry seems to agree, with large craft-fad chains clamouring for samples.

“We’ve already sold several thousand hectolitres of “FOKWTTWT IPA” to the well-known Scottish alepop brewery Brewpop, and all the "WTG" we can brew to Brexit Inns PLC". AS1967 added "the mugs".

Shares in proton-pump inhibitor drug manufacturers jumped on the news.

Angry Since 1967 spends a week doing nothing.

Sight Unseen - TBA's new "James Bond" Film Reviewed

Although the box office success of "Skyfall Spectre" was roundly welcomed, there was a lingering sense that the film itself didn't quite live up to the usual standards of the Bond franchise. Lazy plotting and a nonsensical final third left many with a faint sense of disappointment. Well the good news is that "Spectre TBA" is a stunning return to form, with all the gadgets, car chases, beautiful girls and stunts restored to their rightful places. Although the story, a somewhat convoluted mismatch of contrivances, coincidences and explosions, doesn't quite reach the peaks of "Live and Let Die", it doesn't plumb the depths of "Goldeneye".

There is much for the Bond aficionado to enjoy, with some subtle nods to the past, and enough energy to entertain even more casual fans. Daniel Craig delivers a steely performance, displaying yet again why he best epitomises the "thug in a handmade suit" which Ian Fleming's archetype demands. There is also much to admire in the performances of the supporting cast. Dave Bautista's TBA’s "Mr Hinx TBA" joins the long list of memorable Bond henchmen, although it is something of a disappointment how little screen time he actually gets. Still what do they say? "Leave the audience wanting more?" Christoph Waltz TBA plays a more restrained, modern villain than the clichéd Bond baddie, more likely to browse his phone than to evilly stroke a cat. But he still harbours crazed global ambitions. Ralph Fiennes TBA does what he can with the material but, as his character is so lightly sketched, there's not a lot for him to work with. Which is unfortunate, given the pivotal nature of the role.

Of course, all the usual Bond boxes are ticked, Q's gadgets, glaring product placement, purely decorative female co-stars introduced to be killed and / or laid by Bond, and a theme song performed by the first singer* who happened into view.

And the verdict? This is a Bond film whose reputation will decline between its initial release and the release of the next Bond film which will, in turn, be hailed as a "stunning return to form" after the disappointment of "Skyfall Spectre*".

Rating ****  

*Although it might be Underworld who do it. This would be a "good thing".***

**This is a retread of an old post on Angry Since 1967 I wrote before "Spectre" was released. Rather than create something new, I just put a few lines through the bits which no longer apply. Other than that, it has 98% the same content as the last one. Just like a "James Bond" film.   

***Now that Danny Boyle has realised he'd be peddling a crock of shit, he's jacked it in. Underworld won't be doing the music. 

Sight Unseen - Danny Boyle's new "James Bond" Film Reviewed

Although the box office success of "Skyfall Spectre" was roundly welcomed, there was a lingering sense that the film itself didn't quite live up to the usual standards of the Bond franchise. Lazy plotting and a nonsensical final third left many with a faint sense of disappointment. Well the good news is that "Spectre TBA" is a stunning return to form, with all the gadgets, car chases, beautiful girls and stunts restored to their rightful places. Although the story, a somewhat convoluted mismatch of contrivances, coincidences and explosions, doesn't quite reach the peaks of "Live and Let Die", it doesn't plumb the depths of "Goldeneye".

There is much for the Bond aficionado to enjoy, with some subtle nods to the past, and enough energy to entertain even more casual fans. Daniel Craig delivers a steely performance, displaying yet again why he best epitomises the "thug in a handmade suit" which Ian Fleming's archetype demands. There is also much to admire in the performances of the supporting cast. Dave Bautista's TBA’s "Mr Hinx TBA" joins the long list of memorable Bond henchmen, although it is something of a disappointment how little screen time he actually gets. Still what do they say? "Leave the audience wanting more?" Christoph Waltz TBA plays a more restrained, modern villain than the clichéd Bond baddie, more likely to browse his phone than to evilly stroke a cat. But he still harbours crazed global ambitions. Ralph Fiennes TBA does what he can with the material but, as his character is so lightly sketched, there's not a lot for him to work with. Which is unfortunate, given the pivotal nature of the role.

Of course, all the usual Bond boxes are ticked, Q's gadgets, glaring product placement, purely decorative female co-stars introduced to be killed and / or laid by Bond, and a theme song performed by the first singer* who happened into view.

And the verdict? This is a Bond film whose reputation will decline between its initial release and the release of the next Bond film which will, in turn, be hailed as a "stunning return to form" after the disappointment of "Skyfall Spectre*".

Rating ****  

*Although it might be Underworld who do it. This would be a "good thing".

**This is a retread of an old post on Angry Since 1967 I wrote before "Spectre" was released. Rather than create something new, I just put a few lines through the bits which no longer apply. Other than that, it has 98% the same content as the last one. Just like a "James Bond" film..   

Welcome to Fear - Part XL

Death by lying in

Welcome to Fear - Part XXIX

Death by Tea

Mono is the future

So I find it faintly bewildering why people are so entranced by Sonos products. £200 for a mono speaker? Yes, Mono. If you want stereo you need two - doubling the cost. And for the price of two of these, you could buy an stereo amp, good quality speakers and a Chromecast audio and still have change from £400. You'd also have something which so far outperforms the Sonos equipment you'd swear the Sonos gear was faulty. The only benefits offered are (they say) is that the Sonos speaker is portable, “I can put it anywhere, so nyeh!” Yes, but do you put it "anywhere"? Of course not, it's sits in the same spot, year in, year out, delivering it's feeble monophonic sound, footered with to the point of oblivion by the digital jiggery pokery Sonos deploy as a workaround in order to give a vague approximation of the stereo sound it's otherwise incapable of playing. But the reviews are good, 5 stars in all the press.

Quite

Many years ago there was a Bose demonstration unit, (supposedly at least) showing how good their Acoustimass speakers sound. You’d stand, listening to what appeared to be two vast floorstanding loudspeakers, then a button would be pressed, the front of the speakers would turn, revealing the truth. Two tiddly satellite speakers and a subwoofer. “Wow” you’d think “that’s incredible sound”. Traditional speakers would always be conspiciously absent from said demonstration rooms. For a damn good reason. In isolation the Bose things sounded great. But then you compared them to a pair of traditional speakers? No chance. For or all the who ha about how incredible these new mono speakers sound and how they seemingly defy the laws of physics and acoustics you have to remember how tightly controlled the demos are. Where only equivalent speakers are demonstrated, not comparable units. Hence the new Apple / Sonos / Google thing sounding “brilliant”.

And of course they do. Okay they don't. On a good day they sound barely comparable to a crap 80s mono cassette player.

The latest “enhancement” isn’t improved sound quality, rather it’s voice recognition. You can now tell the speaker what to play. 

Or rather you can’t

You have to preconfigure the software which runs in the background first. Think setting a VCR timer was difficult? Then program the unit to recognise your voice, then repeat yourself several times to said device to get it to play anything. Inevitably it will almost certainly have misinterpreted what you’ve asked it to play and instead cue up The Dead Kennedy’s “Too Drunk to Fuck“.

In glorious mono, at a volume a gnat sneezing would obscure.

Of course Sonos aren’t alone. There is a procession of companies offering voice recognition speakers. Google (god knows), Amazon (Alexa / Dot) and a list of others too depressing to count. To a unit they all suffer from the same flaws as the Sonos offering. They don’t natively support stereo. Of course the herd mentality means that, despite there being no tangible benefit to voice recognition, every manufacturer will feel obligated to support it.

However, given the ample evidence which proves people don’t care what things sound like and that incremental improvements in sound quality really don’t strike a chord with the public, who cares? Manufacturers know this so “gild the lily” by adding something else. In this instance utterly useless voice recognition.

Or put another way; If voice recognition is the future for speakers, as Amazon, Google and others believe, with an infinite array of music at your fingertips, then there’s one thing which proves otherwise

“Alexa. Play music in stereo”

“Bugger”

The Perpetual Bands To Hear Awards CANCELLED

In a statement Angry Since 1967 said “Two years ago, I jokingly referred to the supermarket chain “John Lewis” being cited as an actual record producer. Now Sainsbury’s are producing records. What is the point of taking the piss, when reality keeps coming along and surpassing what would previously have been dismissed as being patently absurd"

DEVELOPING STORY "ANGRY SINCE 1967" announcement LIKELY

An announcement from Angry Since 1967 is likely.

AS1967 denies blog price increases.

Decreasing readership and a downturn in income look to be forcing a rethink on AS1967. Keen observers have already noticed posting frequency has been reduced and rumours continue to circulate that the “Perpetual Bands to Hear” list is under serious threat. Further cost reductions are seemingly inevitable “Shrinkflation has reached the blogosphere” claimed a well-placed source. “While the blog will remain free, new posts will almost certainly contain fewer letters”

In a statement Angry Since 1967 angrily denied these claims 
“noth ng wi l chan e. W ar t t l y oppos d to “shr nk lation” n a l its fo ms”

Angry Since 1967 testing new post at the Nürburgring

We can exclusively reveal "Angry Since 1967" has been testing a new post on the Nürburgring. The heavily camouflaged post did repeated laps of the circuit over a period of several days. Insiders claim this is an effort by "Angry Since 1967" to regain its position as the fastest blog at the track. "It hit a raw nerve" claimed the source "when a post from a blog about caravanning broke the record." 

The source wouldn't be drawn on the tweaks "Angry Since 1967" has made in order to achieve this goal. Indeed, despite the careful disguise, it appears the post has been completely stripped down to maximise performance, supporting rumours that the post consists of a single 6 letter word aren't far off the mark. 

Our Performance Editor writes; 

The new "Angry Since 1967" post looks set to smash the Nürburgring lap record for blog posts hosted on the Blogger platform.

We've read the new post and it's expected to shave a significant 5.41 sec from the previous record holder, "Caravanning Around Ireland", making Angry Since 1967 significantly faster around the ‘Ring than its competitors.

The new lap record holder has described by AS 1967 as being a development edit with technical specifications representative of the final post. 

The latest six-letter word post also has a shorter word count for more urgent performance, and it weighs 6 grammes less than its predecessor when printed on an A4 sheet. No capital letters have been revealed yet, but the post will almost certainly undercut the number used in AS 1967 previous shortest post. It also has a new multi-link reading suspension for improved coherence and has a design that is claimed to offer a best-in-class performance balance for legibility.

AS 1967 set a provisional new ‘Ring record during the final phase of testing for the post, on a dry track with “optimum ambient temperature for the best type and printing performance”. The only additional modification was a 'floating' safety roll cage that AS 1967 said offered no improvements to readability. To compensate for the cage’s weight, the font was changed to courier new.

The editor for the new post, Angry Since 1967, said: “The kerning speed achieved in the new post is higher because the post features wider tracking and typeface, a longer word base, new rear multi-link synonyms and optimised adjectives improving legibility.“

As 1967 explained that this allows readers to attack apostrophe's with more pace. “Readers will typically read the comma after Metzgesfeld at around 93mph," he said "around 6mph higher than that Caravanning post can manage. So up their holes with a big jam roll!!"

ANGRY SINCE 1967 AND THE AFTERNOON POSSE

It would be entirely possible, with the simple replacement of the news, to play an old early 90s episode of "Steve Wright In The Afternoon" complete with the traffic and travel on Radio 2 tomorrow and no-one would notice any difference. There's being in rut and there's repetition. Steve Wright does both. 

OMG!! LOLz!!

Interviewee OWNS reporter. Look, there's even a red arrow pointing at a red circle so IT MUST BE TRUE. And you won't believe what happens next!!!

Cardboard Standee of Charles Bronson on Video Cassette Day: 'VHS just looks better"

A free-standing life-size image of Charles Bronson says video tapes provide a better viewing experience than DVDs or streaming video.

"It does look better," said the promotional cutout. "I know people say it doesn't, but it does.
"I've been around long enough to know. I've been in so many studios, I've made so many videos. It just looks better."

Bronson's comments came as he was named a "Video Cassette Day Legend", honouring his support of video libraries.

There has long been a debate over the merits of tape over digital formats.

Apostles argue that a video tape's analogue signal produces a more authentic, honest picture, while digital formats like DVD and downloads compromise quality for the sake of portability and convenience.

Video engineers argue that digital files are inherently more accurate - and that some of the "warmth" of video tape is, in fact, blurriness introduced by the fact it can barely resolve 240 lines, half that of DVD. In reality, both have their pros and cons, (okay they don't. Videotape is demonstrably and quantitatively worse) but the lie perception that videotape is superior has been a key reason behind the format's resurgence.

Sales in the UK topped three or so last year, the highest total in 25 years according to the VPL which represents the video industry.

The late Charles Bronson will be releasing a new version of his legendary film Death Wish 3 to commemorate the 3rd annual Video Cassette Day on 22 April. This exclusive edition adds a couple of trailers and a new anti-piracy warning to the original release.

The star was well known for his love of video libraries - having rented his first videos ("Jaws III") in the early 1980s. He said was "honoured" to be named a Video Cassette Day Legend, and wholeheartedly supported the initiative - which aims to tempt videotape buyers back into their local, independent video libraries.

Special video releases are made exclusively for the day and many shops and cities host special screenings and events to mark the occasion.

AS1967  is an official partner of the event; and will premier a selection of the exclusive new videos in the week leading up to the event, culminating in a live broadcast from the boarded up remains of an Xtravision on Friday, 21 April, hosted by Clapperboard's Chris Kelly. "Film 82" host Barry Norman will celebrate the initiative with a live show from the ruins of a Blockbuster on the day itself.

Welcome to Fear - Part XXXIII

Death by Toast

Top Ten Angry Since 1967 Articles of 2016.

No. 

Not at all. 

Welcome To Fear - Part XXXII

Death by "Brazilian"