Technical problems plague AS1967 "upgrade"

Angry Since 1967 readers have complained a recent revamp has left the site unusable. One user commented the blog was now only accessible via the internet, another claimed they were unable to view the site while standing out in the middle of a field with a bag over their head.   

When questioned Angry responded "Don't read it like that, read it like this". 

This controversy comes hard on the heels of Angry Since 1967s recent highly visible spat with "Flash", claiming it caused "issues". "Angry Since 1967 cannot support a proprietary product when a viable, free alternative providing much of the functionality of "Flash" is available. We'd like to reassure users that as far as we are concerned the only measurable difference between the two is "elbow greases'" lack of a zesty fragrance." 

Angry Since 1967 - Exclusive Glastonbury UPDATE.

The self-styled "Angry man" of blog-rock "Angry Since 1967" has CONFIRMED he won't be bothering with Glastonbury this weekend. This newspaper can exclusively reveal that rather than engage with Glastonbury "Angry Since 1967" will instead spend the weekend SCRATCHING about the house, WATCHING football and possibly GOING out to buy a DOUBLE DECKER, or some other BAR of chocolate in a LOCAL shop. An insider said "yeah he'd rather FLICK through a copy of "Auto Express" in the local shop, occasionally tutting at the price they charge for a pint of milk, than even watch it on TV. Especially with the World Cup on." When asked if ANGRY would ever go to Glastonbury, our source claimed "There's no way he'd spend the weekend standing in a field surrounded by commodity brokers, people stuffed on macrobiotic rice, BMW X5 owning "hippies", and PEOPLE on corporate junkets slumming it for a couple of days in the mistaken belief that being knee deep in human excrement while "Florence and the Machine" sing "You've Got The Love" SOMEHOW makes the whole experience more "real."  

Angry Since 1967 - New Album Released

The much anticipated new album from Angry Since 1967 "Because I Am Bored" has been released to rapturous applause. 

What the reviewers are saying

Uncut  
"This album defies classification. But more importantly allows us to engage in our copyrighted condescending superiority, crowbarring references to wilfully obscure bands into a review. Not because doing so provides any insight, or allows valid comparisons, but rather as an example of the depth of our musical knowledge. Of course you're not informed, or nuanced enough to have ever heard of, let alone listened to, any of the bands we refer, so this is entirely for our benefit. Why? Because this makes us feel better about ourselves and gives us a sense of self worth which is otherwise completely absent from every other aspect of our lives. So suffice it to say that while this is album is reminiscent of work by "Tiger Attack Plan Tiger", and East Coast obscurists "Inverted Cages" it surpasses both. Or it would if these bands actually existed. We just made them up, knowing you wouldn't notice. See? More proof of how utterly worthless you really are."

Mojo 
"Anything "Uncut" can do, we can do. But in a duller, more verbose and more patronising fashion, sweetie. Plus we have an an awards ceremony which gets coverage on BBC News, dear. And we give Life Time Achievement awards to people you thought were dead, luvvie. So ya boo sucks, mate!"

Q  
"This album is a lot of aul bollox, but as they are on this month's cover, and there's a 10 page exclusive interview, 9 pages of related advertising, a supplement, and some backstage passes with our names on them, it gets our default rating of four stars"

Time Out  
"They aren't from London. Haven't played in London, and don't sing about London. So far as we're concerned, they don't exist"

NME 
"The Smiths" blah blah blah blah blah "The Clash" blah blah blah "PJ Harvey" blah blah blah "Inverted Cages" blah blah blah fucking punk, right?"

Nuts 
"Tits" 

Zoo
"Arse"

FHM 
"Fanny"
  
GQ 
"Wank"

Kerrang  
"Yes we know the NWOBHM was 30 years ago but we're still not over it. And no we're not proud how we pretended to like fucking rap-metal, grunge, nu-metal, and the rest of the shit that's filled the intervening decades. Deep down you know it, and we know it. The music we loved died when Bruce Dickinson first left "Iron Maiden". So why can't you just leave us alone, and let us listen to our "Tygers Of Pan Tang" and "Saxon" albums in peace? KKKK"

Classic Rock  
"Can't I review the new "Uriah Heep" retrospective box set instead?" 

Record Collector  
"The limited edition, triple gatefold, pink vinyl, Japanese import is the one to buy. What does it sound like? What do you mean? There's music recorded on these things as well? Is that something new?"  

Classic Rock "Special"  
"It costs £7.99. Seriously. But before you screw your face up, just look at the packaging. Lovingly sealed in a a cardboard case? Sure that's brilliant. Okay you can't read it before you buy it, but it does come with some badly reproduced posters of bands you don't like, loads of advertisements, tat we found lying at the bottom of a drawer, a host of reprints and a "free cd" filled with mangled, sub karaoke cover versions of songs you've never heard of. I'm sure you'd agree when I put it like that, it's a helluva bargain. And even if you don't, once you've bought it there's not much you can do, as we have a strict "no refunds once opened" policy."

Hardly Merits Visiting.

I was in the HMV in Belfast earlier. It's been revamped. I think we can now officially conclude that there are now no music shops left in the City centre. The CDs (what few there were) are now relegated to the second floor, filling (or rather not) the space previously reserved for video game accessories, which now reside downstairs in the space vacated by CDs. A couple of things struck me. Firstly they've upped the prices for their CDs again, presumably to compensate for the likely crash in sales that will result from having such a limited selection. Now HMV have never been cheap - but when a thrown together "Captain Sensible" compilation on a no mark label (think Pickwick) is priced at £7 you really have to wonder what bizarre pricing formula they are using and how long it'll be before they abandon music all together? If I was a betting man I'd say 18 months, two years tops. 

The second thing were the poor souls, browsing the CDs, who weren't aware things have changed. They shared that look of puzzled bewilderment you see when pub regulars, visiting their old haunt for the first time after a revamp, discover "The Dog And Partridge" has become a bar with a one word name, roped off bits and burly bouncers. Then experiencing the "Christ you're here. We didn't expect to see you again" when the staff suddenly remember you from the old days. It was like meeting an old girlfriend, who in the intervening months has gone blonde, sports a tattoo and has joined a gym. In HMV today the language was pretty clear. "We've moved on. Yeah it's nice to see you, but we don't need you any more and, if we're honest, we'd prefer it if you either went somewhere else, or at least pretended you don't know us"

Of course all this fits. HMV have given up on music. They'll say there's no money in it, sales are down, piracy is up and the rest. I think the reality is different. HMV doesn't know what it is. I mean think about it. What is HMV for? What is it's proposition? What makes you shop in it? Or more importantly what makes you not shop in it? The thing is HMV don't know the answers to these questions. Worse they haven't even reached the point where they'd even consider getting someone to ask them.  And so, rather than work out what they do and what they are for, they, like a three year old with some fuzzy felt, are throwing things in the hope what sticks makes a nice picture.

Honestly? If HMV had any competition they'd be banjaxed. The only thing about this that surprises me is why people like Game, on who HMV are encroaching, don't start selling music. There is a gap in the high street that is there to be filled. 

Still, like a jilted boyfriend, I can, through gritted teeth, wish HMV and Mario the best, while secretly hoping the whole thing ends in tears. 

Which, in this instance at least, strikes me as almost inevitable.   

Seems apt...

I've spent the last couple of days trailing around all the old agencies again. This well known song sums up the experience.

There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, a hole.

Then fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry, fix it.

With what shall I fix it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I fix it, dear Liza, with what?

With a straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With a straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, a straw.

The straw is too long, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The straw is too long, dear Liza, too long,

Then cut it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then cut it, dear Henry, dear Henry, cut it.

With what shall I cut it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I cut it, dear Liza, with what?

With an axe, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With an axe, dear Henry, dear Henry, an axe.

The axe is too dull, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The axe is too dull, dear Liza, too dull.

Then sharpen it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then sharpen it, dear Henry, dear Henry, whet it.

With what shall I sharpen it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I sharpen it, dear Liza, with what?

With a stone, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With a stone, dear Henry, dear Henry, a stone.

The stone is too dry, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The stone is too dry, dear Liza, too dry.

Then moisten it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then moisten it, dear Henry, dear Henry, moisten it.

With what shall I moisten, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I moisten, dear Liza, with what?

Try water, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Try water, dear Henry, dear Henry, try water.

From where shall I get it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
From where shall I get it, dear Liza, from where?

From the well, dear Henry,dear Henry, dear Henry,
From the well, dear Henry, dear Henry, the well.

In what shall I fetch it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
In what shall I fetch it, dear Liza, in what?

In a bucket dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
In a bucket dear Henry, dear Henry, in a bucket.

There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, a hole.

And surprise, surprise I'm back where I started.  
 

Is it just me who'd

- like to know at what thickness do slices of bread cease being defined as "medium" and become "thick"?

Whoop-de-fucking-do.

So. Another month ticked off. The summer holidays are heaving into view, meaning that the job market stops. Or it did last year anyway. I suppose with the economic downturn showing no sign of an upturn, my situation doesn't look set to change any time soon. Still the good news is that I can now prefix my "unemployed" status with the much coveted words "long term".

Let the celebrations commence.