“We plan to cover all the key market points with our new range of beers” declared AS1967. The brews, "Impossible To Believe, But It's Worse Than Harp Lager", "Worse Than Guinness Stout" and "Fuck Only Knows What This Tastes Worse Than IPA".
AS1967 claimed that while only the “finest” ingredients were used, the team of brewers, head-hunted from notable craft ale producers, brought nothing but "many years of unsuccessful brewing experience, vague notions of cleanliness, underlying yeast infections and simple, blind incompetence”. AS1967 added "these beers won’t be to anyone’s taste” claiming that the unique selling point of the new ales is that they are "utterly disgusting."
“We’re not pretending. These beers are awful. Honestly? Rat wee fermented in a mouldy barrel previously used as a septic tank tastes better”. Responding to criticism this was a “gimmick” AS1967 denied this, claiming “producing undrinkable piss water, liberally fortified with concentrated grapefruit juice and giving it a quirky name in the hope no-one notices how bad it tastes is a “gimmick”. We’re not doing this. Our beer is proudly and resolutely, crap. And we make no attempt to hide behind multicoloured tins, promises of triple hopped flavours, being a “cooperative”, claims of artisan brewing or the possession of lumberjack shirts and beards. Our beers are vile. Our IPA has, for example, been described as having a hoppy character with Brillo pad wrapped in a soiled nappy undertones. We couldn't be happier."
And the industry seems to agree, with large craft-fad chains clamouring for samples.
“We’ve already sold several thousand hectolitres of “FOKWTTWT IPA” to the well-known Scottish alepop brewery Brewpop, and all the "WTG" we can brew to Brexit Inns PLC". AS1967 added "the mugs".
Shares in proton-pump inhibitor drug manufacturers jumped on the news.
