Mono is the future

So I find it faintly bewildering why people are so entranced by Sonos products. £200 for a mono speaker? Yes, Mono. If you want stereo you need two - doubling the cost. And for the price of two of these, you could buy an stereo amp, good quality speakers and a Chromecast audio and still have change from £400. You'd also have something which so far outperforms the Sonos equipment you'd swear the Sonos gear was faulty. The only benefits offered are (they say) is that the Sonos speaker is portable, “I can put it anywhere, so nyeh!” Yes, but do you put it "anywhere"? Of course not, it's sits in the same spot, year in, year out, delivering it's feeble monophonic sound, footered with to the point of oblivion by the digital jiggery pokery Sonos deploy as a workaround in order to give a vague approximation of the stereo sound it's otherwise incapable of playing. But the reviews are good, 5 stars in all the press.

Quite

Many years ago there was a Bose demonstration unit, (supposedly at least) showing how good their Acoustimass speakers sound. You’d stand, listening to what appeared to be two vast floorstanding loudspeakers, then a button would be pressed, the front of the speakers would turn, revealing the truth. Two tiddly satellite speakers and a subwoofer. “Wow” you’d think “that’s incredible sound”. Traditional speakers would always be conspiciously absent from said demonstration rooms. For a damn good reason. In isolation the Bose things sounded great. But then you compared them to a pair of traditional speakers? No chance. For or all the who ha about how incredible these new mono speakers sound and how they seemingly defy the laws of physics and acoustics you have to remember how tightly controlled the demos are. Where only equivalent speakers are demonstrated, not comparable units. Hence the new Apple / Sonos / Google thing sounding “brilliant”.

And of course they do. Okay they don't. On a good day they sound barely comparable to a crap 80s mono cassette player.

The latest “enhancement” isn’t improved sound quality, rather it’s voice recognition. You can now tell the speaker what to play. 

Or rather you can’t

You have to preconfigure the software which runs in the background first. Think setting a VCR timer was difficult? Then program the unit to recognise your voice, then repeat yourself several times to said device to get it to play anything. Inevitably it will almost certainly have misinterpreted what you’ve asked it to play and instead cue up The Dead Kennedy’s “Too Drunk to Fuck“.

In glorious mono, at a volume a gnat sneezing would obscure.

Of course Sonos aren’t alone. There is a procession of companies offering voice recognition speakers. Google (god knows), Amazon (Alexa / Dot) and a list of others too depressing to count. To a unit they all suffer from the same flaws as the Sonos offering. They don’t natively support stereo. Of course the herd mentality means that, despite there being no tangible benefit to voice recognition, every manufacturer will feel obligated to support it.

However, given the ample evidence which proves people don’t care what things sound like and that incremental improvements in sound quality really don’t strike a chord with the public, who cares? Manufacturers know this so “gild the lily” by adding something else. In this instance utterly useless voice recognition.

Or put another way; If voice recognition is the future for speakers, as Amazon, Google and others believe, with an infinite array of music at your fingertips, then there’s one thing which proves otherwise

“Alexa. Play music in stereo”

“Bugger”

The Perpetual Bands To Hear Awards CANCELLED

In a statement Angry Since 1967 said “Two years ago, I jokingly referred to the supermarket chain “John Lewis” being cited as an actual record producer. Now Sainsbury’s are producing records. What is the point of taking the piss, when reality keeps coming along and surpassing what would previously have been dismissed as being patently absurd"

DEVELOPING STORY "ANGRY SINCE 1967" announcement LIKELY

An announcement from Angry Since 1967 is likely.

AS1967 denies blog price increases.

Decreasing readership and a downturn in income look to be forcing a rethink on AS1967. Keen observers have already noticed posting frequency has been reduced and rumours continue to circulate that the “Perpetual Bands to Hear” list is under serious threat. Further cost reductions are seemingly inevitable “Shrinkflation has reached the blogosphere” claimed a well-placed source. “While the blog will remain free, new posts will almost certainly contain fewer letters”

In a statement Angry Since 1967 angrily denied these claims 
“noth ng wi l chan e. W ar t t l y oppos d to “shr nk lation” n a l its fo ms”

Angry Since 1967 testing new post at the Nürburgring

We can exclusively reveal "Angry Since 1967" has been testing a new post on the Nürburgring. The heavily camouflaged post did repeated laps of the circuit over a period of several days. Insiders claim this is an effort by "Angry Since 1967" to regain its position as the fastest blog at the track. "It hit a raw nerve" claimed the source "when a post from a blog about caravanning broke the record." 

The source wouldn't be drawn on the tweaks "Angry Since 1967" has made in order to achieve this goal. Indeed, despite the careful disguise, it appears the post has been completely stripped down to maximise performance, supporting rumours that the post consists of a single 6 letter word aren't far off the mark. 

Our Performance Editor writes; 

The new "Angry Since 1967" post looks set to smash the Nürburgring lap record for blog posts hosted on the Blogger platform.

We've read the new post and it's expected to shave a significant 5.41 sec from the previous record holder, "Caravanning Around Ireland", making Angry Since 1967 significantly faster around the ‘Ring than its competitors.

The new lap record holder has described by AS 1967 as being a development edit with technical specifications representative of the final post. 

The latest six-letter word post also has a shorter word count for more urgent performance, and it weighs 6 grammes less than its predecessor when printed on an A4 sheet. No capital letters have been revealed yet, but the post will almost certainly undercut the number used in AS 1967 previous shortest post. It also has a new multi-link reading suspension for improved coherence and has a design that is claimed to offer a best-in-class performance balance for legibility.

AS 1967 set a provisional new ‘Ring record during the final phase of testing for the post, on a dry track with “optimum ambient temperature for the best type and printing performance”. The only additional modification was a 'floating' safety roll cage that AS 1967 said offered no improvements to readability. To compensate for the cage’s weight, the font was changed to courier new.

The editor for the new post, Angry Since 1967, said: “The kerning speed achieved in the new post is higher because the post features wider tracking and typeface, a longer word base, new rear multi-link synonyms and optimised adjectives improving legibility.“

As 1967 explained that this allows readers to attack apostrophe's with more pace. “Readers will typically read the comma after Metzgesfeld at around 93mph," he said "around 6mph higher than that Caravanning post can manage. So up their holes with a big jam roll!!"

ANGRY SINCE 1967 AND THE AFTERNOON POSSE

It would be entirely possible, with the simple replacement of the news, to play an old early 90s episode of "Steve Wright In The Afternoon" complete with the traffic and travel on Radio 2 tomorrow and no-one would notice any difference. There's being in rut and there's repetition. Steve Wright does both. 

OMG!! LOLz!!

Interviewee OWNS reporter. Look, there's even a red arrow pointing at a red circle so IT MUST BE TRUE. And you won't believe what happens next!!!

Cardboard Standee of Charles Bronson on Video Cassette Day: 'VHS just looks better"

A free-standing life-size image of Charles Bronson says video tapes provide a better viewing experience than DVDs or streaming video.

"It does look better," said the promotional cutout. "I know people say it doesn't, but it does.
"I've been around long enough to know. I've been in so many studios, I've made so many videos. It just looks better."

Bronson's comments came as he was named a "Video Cassette Day Legend", honouring his support of video libraries.

There has long been a debate over the merits of tape over digital formats.

Apostles argue that a video tape's analogue signal produces a more authentic, honest picture, while digital formats like DVD and downloads compromise quality for the sake of portability and convenience.

Video engineers argue that digital files are inherently more accurate - and that some of the "warmth" of video tape is, in fact, blurriness introduced by the fact it can barely resolve 240 lines, half that of DVD. In reality, both have their pros and cons, (okay they don't. Videotape is demonstrably and quantitatively worse) but the lie perception that videotape is superior has been a key reason behind the format's resurgence.

Sales in the UK topped three or so last year, the highest total in 25 years according to the VPL which represents the video industry.

The late Charles Bronson will be releasing a new version of his legendary film Death Wish 3 to commemorate the 3rd annual Video Cassette Day on 22 April. This exclusive edition adds a couple of trailers and a new anti-piracy warning to the original release.

The star was well known for his love of video libraries - having rented his first videos ("Jaws III") in the early 1980s. He said was "honoured" to be named a Video Cassette Day Legend, and wholeheartedly supported the initiative - which aims to tempt videotape buyers back into their local, independent video libraries.

Special video releases are made exclusively for the day and many shops and cities host special screenings and events to mark the occasion.

AS1967  is an official partner of the event; and will premier a selection of the exclusive new videos in the week leading up to the event, culminating in a live broadcast from the boarded up remains of an Xtravision on Friday, 21 April, hosted by Clapperboard's Chris Kelly. "Film 82" host Barry Norman will celebrate the initiative with a live show from the ruins of a Blockbuster on the day itself.

Welcome to Fear - Part XXXIII

Death by Toast